PART V

MY INFORMANT'S FACE

I look into your dark face

At first I see my informant's funny look

With tears in your eyes

I look again into your face

And then I find the lines of wear

The cracks of age and the blemishes of life's vicissitudes

Beneath the rosy mascara and the blue-green eye-liner

Brushed faintly over epicanthic eye-lids

My informant is no longer tearful

And a smile breaks upon the brown lips

Covered with glossy red lipstick

I look again into your face

And I find the dark eyes of sadness

The swollen cheek that's been abused

The bump upon the low forehead

And scratch marks around the neck

My informant's face is hiding her troubles

Beneath a front of feminine grace

Once again I look into your face

And there I find, behind the mask

The feint expression of a suffering soul

The look of a small child

Lost in a lonely adult world

Longing for the love of a mother's embrace

I see in my informant, a young adult grown too old

Without the full flowering in a world

You've somehow missed

I look into my informant's face

And there discover my own humanness

I see into the puffy red eyes of my informant

And find the reflections of my own face

In a small dark distorted world

I look back into the eyes of my informant

And there I finally find you looking into my world

I look one last time into your eyes

And there at last I find that my informant

Is just another friend

OUR OTHER WORLDS

We live within a world

Surrounded by other worlds

That we do not know about

We travel all over our world

And still miss the many others

Everyday we come into contact

In every way we pass them by

The other worlds circle around us

As we gaze up into the sky

They unfold before us

As we keep our eyes

Looking straight ahead

We live within a world

Without knowing that other worlds live within our own

And our world lives within others

We wait in unending patience

And endure unbearable loneliness

Without knowing how to knock upon the door

Or to open our windows upon the world

To look the other way than the way we are looking

Or to see the other things than what we are seeing

We have only learned to look this way rather than that

And to see only this thing rather than that

And we can live smugly within our worlds

Our entire lifetime

Without ever realizing all the other worlds

Have always been around us

People fear to open their world

To all the others

They are afraid of losing their world

Among all the rest

They will not find their own

So people keep their windows closed and doors shut

And fear every stranger who comes knocking at their door

Or passing by their window

And they dwell always among their own

Sometimes something happens

That tears the fragile fabric of our worlds apart

And leaves a gaping hole through which our world escapes

Through which other worlds come invading in

Frantic and helpless we become to prevent it from happening

Unhappy are we about our tragic losses

And about the corruption of other worlds

That can't be gotten rid of

Until we learn to live with them

As if they were really all our own

And when we learn that our own

Was really just another one of their own

Fooling us all along

Our world's a big transparent bubble

That protects us from all the outside trouble

And prevents us from touching or being touched

While allowing us to see our own reflections

In the light of a world that comes from all around

And to live within our little round worlds

As if they were the only one's

Until they suddenly burst

And we are without our own homes

In a world in which we are all alone

Baby being born

The fluid of life

Spills upon the floor

The vessel is cracked

And cannot be mended

A passage must be made

There can be no turning back

And the precious life hidden inside

Emerges gradually to the light of the world

A new screaming miracle

A fresh new world

Joins all the many others

FINDING THE WAY

All the near misses

And all the little falls

The many mistakes

And minor errors

All the maybe's and perhap's

In a world of unfinished possibilities

All the petty punishments

And habitual rewards

None of these things

Teach us very much

Except how to keep awake

A little bit lost is nothing gained

But one big accident

One fatal error of judgement

One dramatic loss

One lottery ticket just missed

One wrong turn

One the road to success

Can make all the difference in the world

And matter more than anything else

Care is learned

For the prevention it promises

And not the cure it causes

Carelessness is cursed

For the fortunes lost

And not the waste it costs

We learn nothing

By half-forgetting what wasn't

We gain nothing

By looking for shadows

Do not look for love

Where no love is to be found

Do not look for friendship

Where friends are only hollow and empty

Only fools search for gold

In an empty desert spaces

Only wise men find it

In the sands of time

A solitary big old tree

Does not lie down in a field of hay

A wolf does not sleep among the sheep

Nothing lost, nothing gained

The world does not seek to know you

By what you are

But by what you are not

OTHER WAYS

If when we are walking down the road

And we see a man working hard

We do not find fault

Because he is prospering in a trade

That we do not like

Because we think we know it

But are not good enough to prosper by it

If we walk in rags

We should not hate the people

Who thereby walk in silk

The way is not gained

By pulling up the flowers

In a garden of weeds

If when we are walking down a path

And we meet a person

Why by the color of their skin

The way they are dressed

By their age or their sex

Or by the shape of their bodies

Or the complexion of their faces

We thereby believe should not be standing

In the shoes they wear

Or if we believe that we deserve to be standing

In that place instead

Then we should only become angry

At our own jealousy

If we meet someone along the path

Who by the look in their eye

Tells you that they will live longer than you

Then you should not therefore murder than man

The way is not found

By killing turtles

Because their longevity

And our own brevity

If we are going down our way

And we cross someone who pays us no attention

Or who acts snobbish or in clear disregard of our due respect

We should not therefore become insulted or disrespectful

By there own ignorance

Wisdom is not gained

By sowing seeds of prejudice

Or by casting foul aspersions

If we are not happy

With the way we have chosen

Or if we are discontent

With the way others have chosen for us

Then a silent smile speaks louder

There is no way that we ourselves do not allow

The way is not chosen

By children who play with adults

All the money in the world can make the way smoother to walk

But it cannot make the task of choosing our way any easier

We cannot wish for things that are not

In place of things that are

If we cannot find the worth of something

We then do not simply exchange it for anything

We just haven't looked hard enough

For the merit that's in it

Finding it

Or failing to

Along our way

THE WAY BACK

There is nothing in this world so ugly

That it can't be openly seen

There is nothing in this world so bad

That it can't be openly talked about

There is nothing so wrong

That it can't be admitted

It's not what we do that matters most

But the way it's done

One can be poor, and live like a king

One can be rich, and still be a pauper

One can be a Prince, and act like a fool

One can be a knave, and behave like a Prince

There is no slave, who by his servitude

Is not also a master

There is no lord, who by his authority

Is not also servant

There is no empire that rises

That does not also fall

There is the word, and there is the deed

And the word does not necessarily follow the deed

And the deed does not always follow the word

Humility begets greatness

Greatness should beget humility

Pride finds embarrassment

Embarrassment finds pride

The ways of the world

Are infinitely patient

And everlasting

Thy may bend like a reed in the wind

And they may withstand

Like a stone in a torrent

We do not wait for it

It waits for us

To eventually find our way

BIG TOWN

Town too big

To even call by telephone

When living just a quarter mile down the street

City so small

That whichever road we take

We always soon meet

The important people

Drive so fast

Down a one-lane road

The small citizens

Dress their best

To visit the bank

Living goes on

Every day depressed

Business as usual

Ever so impressed

It's hard for the wide world

To find its way in

When all the roads

Soon lead back out

Everyone looks

And say's "excuse me"

But no one talks

Or is overly friendly

Welcome to the Mid-West

It's been unusually hot

And the winter's

Are severely cold

People work their whole lives here

For a thread-bare salary

Can't blame all the young ones

For looking elsewhere

A town to end in

In comfortable, lazy retirement

Hiding in an air-conditioned room

But not a town to begin with

When you've not got a penny

To your name

PERFECT PERSON

Trying to be perfect

To please all the important people

By doing everything just right

Shaving my beard, cutting my hair

Back to the little boy look

In his new school clothes

And all the young boys and girls

Having learned to be perfect

Their entire lives

They fight for attention

While trying to act like adults

And come crying to Daddy and Mommy

When they fall and scrap their knees

Blaming the big bully for pushing them

Coolly allowing parental authority

To straighten things back out

All the little people

Trying to become perfect

Just like the big people

Afraid of making any mistake

Or of giving the wrong impression

Or being too human

Up-tight airs for up right arses

Trying to pretty please

Make-believe parents

Who will sit them on their knees

And let them do as they please

I'm so sorry

Life's been imperfect for me

And I do not fear my own mediocrity

I cannot relive my painful childhood

So that you may now wash my brain clean

And modify my body

To suit yourselves

So punish me

Again

CHANGING WAY

One does not walk

Along a rough way

And not become broken

Bent and bruised

I cannot walk back

To those places and periods

Where I've fallen on the road

And untransform my disfigurement

The longer and harder the road

The greater the many changes

And the change marks my character

So many small cracks in my cup

I can no longer drink the water

The changes always twist and turn

In strange directions

That leaves a strained look

Upon the face

A different expression

In the eyes

And the only common counsel to be found

Are with other ill-begotten corpses

Who walk along the same pathway

Our ways can never now touch

Your's has been so smooth

Mine has been too rough

One cannot know strangeness

If one has not undergone the many changes

One can no longer be straightened

After one has become so bent

Fit this oddity as you can

An oval portrait

Within a squarish frame

All that seems so correct to you

No longer means the same to me

My way

Twisting and turning before

Will be still changing after

Your's seems so straight

Always as an arrow

ABSOLUTELY ALONE

Growing alone

Becoming adult

Learning to live at oneness

Not depending upon togetherness

To live absolutely alone

Without feeling lonely

Unlearning how to hate

Enough to begin enjoying

All the time spent within myself

Whispering secrets

Quietly smiling at private jokes

Finally growing up

Ripening with age

All by myself

You want my trust

Just enough to have your freedom

And then to strain and break it

And then you break my lonesome heart

And no longer respect me

I no longer ask for love

I no longer give love

I don't even require respect

Or have much to expect

I only want to be left alone

To find whatever love within myself

A trust that can't be broken

Respect that can't be tarnished

Daily dying

Poor and hungry

Like a starving Narcissus

I've become like my old dog

Always sitting at my feet

Following me along my way

Whichever course I choose

Whichever turn I take

You want to come between us

I'm sorry the chain can't be broken

You want me to let you into my world

I'm sorry the door is always half-closed

FALL OF ROME, U.S.A.

Historians will ask what happened

And always ponder how

And wonder why

But the common people will just scramble

Looking for the coins in the rubble

Now you want my sympathy

When it's caught up with you finally

Ten years ago there was such hubris

That you wouldn't even let me eat

Now what is your nemesis

Feeding heretics to their fate

Your temple priests

Have ransacked the court treasures

And you've crucified him at the stake

Ten years ago you took your measure

And refused him at your gate

Refused him quarter

And shelter from the cold

Now only foreign mongrels

Smashing down your doors

And still you procrastinate

You military

But a bunch of mongering mercenaries

Taking whatever they can get

Before it's all too late

Ten years ago I was alone

But now I've got lots of company

You can no longer point your finger

And punish me for being wrong

Now everyone will be punished

For our misguided ways

I will perish in your dust

A victim of your prideful lust

I will lie buried in your wake

Having forsaken your trust

Just some bones forgotten

Beneath your wasted ruins

Unearthed one day by historians

Reading the inscriptions on our tombs

Strange words like "Truth," "Justice," "Equality," and "Brotherhood"

And try then to decipher

What they might have meant

They will find all your coins scattered amidst the marble

Embossed with the heads of great statesmen

And they will wonder who these men were

And what important things they had done

During the Great Republic

BECOMING NATIVE

Deciding to go native

Seeking identity in some place

Sharing the people's common sense of history

Becoming native

No longer needing to decide

Living a culture and a history

Calling one's own birthplace

Home

Who is genuinely native?

Whose ancestors did not follow

Some others' forgotten footsteps?

Who came before

And who followed yet after?

Native birth

The base of one's name

The root of one's family tree

The spring of one's spirit

And source of one's soul

Keeping the ancestor's buried treasures

Protecting the homeland

From foreign intrusions

One's way follows

The natural lay of the land

Sharing common ground

Altered only by the changing seasons

The growing and dying

Of plants and animals

A common history

Shared

Altered only by the changing seasons

The year of the big rains

The year of the drought

The year of the volcano

The year of plenitude

And the year of nothing unusual

The identity of experience

The long experience of odd identity

The newcomer always lacks and wants

A sense of past on a landscape of trust

A special pride and certain sorrow

Losing one's land to the past

Losing one's way in life

We are all natives of one place or another

We have all been pilgrims to new lands

Being native is a natural way

Becoming foreign is an inevitable path

We all are natives of the Earth

There we can find our common ground

And shared destiny

We are all its children by right of birth

We cannot lose one home

And not gain another

CPA

The local branch of the CPA

A retired certified public accountant

Keeping careful track

Of who on the block owes what

To the general good of the community

Keeping tally of each neighbor's coming and going

Keeping record of each person's business

With nothing else to do all day long

Than talk to the FBI agents

And be the self-appointed crossing guard

The local representative

Of the neighborhood watch program

Making sure the yards is cut and clean

And no one's gutter stops up in the rain

Every night keeping a careful ledger

Of whose still got bad habits

You've successfully supported a local policy

No black people upon the block

And keep a careful vigilant eye

Upon the Asian children down the street

You hang Old Glory above your porch

Every holiday, including Christmas

You tied yellow ribbons round all your trees

And then red bows

Proud to be a part

Of the peace-keeping effort in the Gulf

And the "say no to drugs" movement

Your right to life bumper sticker

Reflects you narrow-minded temper

Next to your "I voted for Ronald Reagan" banner

That you used to cover over

"Richard Nixon is Innocent"

On you cherried-out olds mobile

That you keep immaculately clean

And drive only on Sundays

To the Catholic Church

And then to the local CPA chapter meetings

The neighbors all thing you are a fine upstanding citizen

A pillar of the neighborhood

With a weed free dichondra lawn

And roses you keep pruned so neat

At about eight a.m. each morning

Your opinions really count for something in the world

And you vote at every local election

You've singed so many petitions

To keep the Mexicans from overrunning Disneyland

And to allow the Contractors all a free hand

You believe in commercial redevelopment

And thing the world is becoming a better place to live in

You have no doubts about progress, clean and right

You do not understand why all the poor people

Can't get out and work to get ahead

And you wish that every country

Could be just like America

Though you were recently widowed

Everyone commented upon how well you took your husband's

Prolonged and agonizing death

You were back in action

Just less than a week after

And now that he's left you a healthy nest egg

You've traveled to Africa and Asia

And took a cruise linger to Alaska

You are not an over generous Grandmother

You refuse to let them come to live with you

After they've lost their jobs

And been kicked out of their parent's homes

You believe that they should grow up straight and true

Whatever the harder way might be

Just like you yourself did

I will miss seeing you

Bending over your weeds

Or walking across the street

Or talking loudly to your neighbors

You were such a clean fixture

Of a stable, immaculate, manicured middle-class neighborhood

But just like Reagan

I will not regret

Your passing

But I will never forget

Your Greatness

BLAMING THE VICTIM

Being born poor in a world of plenty

Being blamed for not sharing

Why can't the poor find jobs

Why can't they go to school

Why can't they pull themselves up

By their own bootstraps

Homeless and jobless

Must be their punishment

For being poor, corrupt and weak

Unreformed and addicted

To bad habits and indolence

Living off the gratitude and welfare

The wealthy citizens

Who pay the bulk of the state taxes

We pay all our hard-earned taxes

Just to feed the poor

So they can make more babies

The poor need to be reformed

So they can become just like us

It is their fault

That the System has shut its door

Upon their faces and their lives

And refuses to answer

Whenever they knock

They do not have enough

To buy a ticket to Disneyland

To dressing the lowest of styles

And shop at any but the seediest of stores

They need a new suit and tie

If they want to do well

At the job interview

How can they be earning enough to live upon

If they are spending all their time

Standing in soup lines?

The easiest excuse

It so blame the victim

Criminals do it all the time

To avoid rape

A woman cannot be too attractive

To avoid being murdered

A peasant should not be too conspicuous

To avoid persecution

People should not be poor.

1994-5

Blanket Copyright, Hugh M. Lewis, © 2005. Use of this text governed by fair use policy--permission to make copies of this text is granted for purposes of research and non-profit instruction only.

Last Updated: 03/15/05