MAKING MISTAKES

by Hugh M. Lewis

Were I possessed of the least knowledge,

I would, when walking on the great way, fear only paths that lead astray

The great way is easy, yet people prefer by-paths.

The court is corrupt,

The fields are overgrown with weeds,

The granaries are empty;

Yet there are those dressed in fineries,

With swords at their sides,

Filled with food and drink,

And possessed of too much wealth.

This is known as taking the lead in robbery.

Far indeed is this from the way.

(Verse LIII, Book Two of Tao Te Ching, D. C. Lau, 1963:114)

Waking up in the world is not just an act of cognition. It is even more a necessary motion--a movement, and enactment of being in the world. Awakening comes of interaction with the world, an interaction which transcends the basic mechanics of body motion and becomes part of the movement of the entire universe.

In this we learn our lessons from children. We are children of the earth. Though we are all in civilization like full grown adults, we are still with only a childlike understanding of the earth. Though it is the wisdom of our human ways not to forever remain in a childlike state, we must strive to preserve the spontaneity and openness tot he world that comes from the awakening and growth of youth.

A child's awakening is necessarily sensori-motor in orientation. Nothing is too sacred to touch, handle or break. Nothing is too dangerous to climb or fall from. Nothing is so uninteresting as to not warrant being poked, fondled or dropped. It is in the enactment of the child's awakening that s/he learns and acquires experience of the world.

The first steps, the first words, the first realizations of pattern and purpose, the first lies, the first vicarious imaginings, are the most miraculous stages in a child's development. These stages open whole new fields for exploration and growth. Similarly, we must as adults relearn how to walk and talk in the world. An important part of the awakening of our earth being is learning to be peripatetic beneath the trees. The first steps taken, the first motions of awakening, and all else becomes possible.

Awakening in the world is not just a passive recognition of new things in the world--it is an active involvement with the world. Learning how to walk well in the world is one of the first steps taken upon our way of exploration of the wider world. Our legs become the primary means of exploration of our world. We climb trees, cliffs, mountains, caves and with them nothing in the world is beyond our reach.

By our feet, we walk the path of experience and come to know first hand all the ways of the world. Along the way we meet and journey with many people, and then eventually go our separate ways. We take many falls along the way, meet many obstacles block our path, come to many dead ends and wrong turns, and learn many short-cuts.

We discover that the forest of life is a labyrinth of many intersecting pathways, and that there are many alternative routes to the same place. Somewhere along the way we may become lost, or change our destinations. Somewhere along the way we realize that there is no turning back.

We soon learn that our way is never as short and direct as we first believed. There are many twists and unseen turns. The way sis always indirect and often indefinite. Thus the way is interminably long and sometimes intolerable and frustrating, but it is sometimes also a wonderful adventure. We learn a lot along the way, good and bad.

One day we will meet death along the way, and come across our own shadow blocking our path and obscuring our view. We journey into the dark heart of the forest's depths, where we find incarnate the possibility of our own evil in the world. We then come to know the possibility of being of ourselves in others in the world as well. We come to understand the common ground of our humanity, and thereby the possibility of our spiritual salvation and reincarnation in the world. With recognition of our common humanity, we discover as well the source of our own greatness and divinity.

Eventually, we learn that the way may have many stopping places but no ends. We discover that the paths all intersect in never ending circles, and one path leads to yet another, and all paths lead back to the place at which we started.

We are basically blind to our own ignorance. We cannot directly see or know it for what it really is. It depends upon the illusion of its own non-being in the world as something other than what it is. The spell of its illusion is said to be necessary to empower us to act in way we might not otherwise want to act, especially when this comes to social enactment.

It is in social relationships with others that our illusions and the ignorance which they disguise, become mirrored and echoed back to us as the empty expressions of our own words and deeds, in the process becoming exaggerated and distorted out of true proportion. Illusion is much easier to maintain when it is shared, and much more invisible when it is socially regarded as "common sense."

The illusion of ignorance is so difficult to dispel precisely because it becomes socially involved and situated within the world. In the process of its enactment, it becomes "concretized" as something other than what it really is. It is difficult to see beyond the horizon of our collective illusions or to act in other ways than those dictated by our common knowledge of the world, because we cannot easily or simply break the bonds or trespass the boundaries which order the world. Our ignorance is always indirect in its influence upon our lives, and our illusions always predetermine that our actions will mislead us and become mistaken in the world.

It is said that "understanding kills action." Knowledge of the wider reality pops the bubble of illusion which surrounds our world and invites into it the uncertainty and threat of difference and change which we can no longer fully control. But there is nothing inherently immobilizing about understanding in the world except that world order depends upon our illusions. Popping the bubble requires us to act in other ways than our illusion and ignorance dictate to us. It forces us to find alternative ways of being and meaning in the world not buttressed or reinforced by the power of illusion.

It is more difficult to act without illusion, as it forces us to make life-boat decisions without the legitimization of our own virtuousness. In transcending the illusions of our own ignorance, we must give up as well the naive innocence and irresponsibility in life for our actions which such illusions allow us.

This has become the predicament we face in the modern world. We are pursuing development and progress for the sake of and in the name of progress and development, but at the expense of possible, alternative human-wise or earth-wise development. We are all constrained to serve a vast, massive, ultimately impersonal world order which is not constrained to serve us in return.

The world system is quickly developing beyond anyone's or any group's ability to control it.

like a frog in a coconut shell

we stand in the center of our world

which has no center

we look to the edge of our horizon

which has no edge

the wider world continues around us

encircling us

without us being a part of it

without our taking notice of it

we wait in our coconut shells

for good things to come to us

believing we are thus protected

from all the unknown dangers around us

until something unexpected arises

like a giant's shadow looming

across the edge of our existence

someone comes knocking at the door

the telephone rings at some off hour

the mailman comes carrying a letter

we are left at a loss

of what to do

forced to act in ways

we usually do not have to behave.

windows open to the world

like glass eyes looking through the walls

upon different fields of view

upon different interior perspectives

seeing both ways

inside out and outside in

each window framing a distinct reality

each frame containing a fragile, transparent picture

a living reflection of our lives

the way of life is mapped

by the many mistakes we make

the meaning of life is measured

by all the treasure that's been lost

it becomes difficult to rise in the morning

when yesterday no longer tells us

what tomorrow may bring

it becomes troubling

to turn to a new direction

or even to take another step

when our way is not clearly visible

our many moments in life

are marked by the footprints we leave behind

where we are headed

depends upon from where we have come

Tumblelina

bouncing like a ball

little girl

all thumbs

when on your feet

up each big step

to the very top

then right back down again

looking up after your fall

wondering if I'm going to pick you up again

Daddy pays no attention

back up the steps you crawl

calling out

then running away

your chimpanzee gait

laughing joyously

looking back to see if Daddy follows

your scratched knees

your little legs

you can afford to tumble

as many times as you may

falling is not failing

as long as you are picking yourself back up

always knowing in the back of your small mind

that Daddy is never very far away

tomorrow the steps wont be so big as today

and that field won't be so far away

Face to Face

and yet so far away

born into different worlds

and now our worlds are colliding

you look at me

and see but a reflection of your hidden self

I see you

as if looking at a shadow of my own fate

I no longer have any hope

that things may ever be otherwise

you wish to see me change

only to become finally frustrated

by my unchanging character

strangers in paradise

character too coarse and crude

to be wasted upon the finer things in life

we wait in earnest expectation

for each other's emotional embrace

only to experience the emptiness

of a lonely life

we live within a circle

searching for a way out

every direction we turn in

leads us back to where we began

without any choice but to start over again

in some other direction