2-1-99

@12:22p.m.

I saw Mr. Zhao this morning on the way to buy breakfast. I told him I needed a new as tank. He told me he will look into it. We also have a box in the mail and I have asked Mr. Zhao to pick it up for us.

I walked out with Mahala to buy breakfast. Mr. X was waiting outside. Mahala asked me to ignore him which is hard to do. He approached us when we were outside and said something in Chinese that I could not understand. He left us then and took off towards the direction of town riding a bicycle.

I am still waiting for our box. I am sitting outside in the yard. It is a nice day not hot but warm. Hugh and Mahala are working on their computers. Hugh is acting like a grouch for the last few days. Every little thing sets him off. He is difficult to live with when he acts this way. I do not want to be around him then because he bites my head off for no reason.

Finally this evening Mr. Zhao came by with the box. Its contents were mostly birthday gifts for Mahala.

I did not tell Hugh this but when I was sitting outside in the late afternoon I saw Mr. Zhao walk by with a box that looked like the one Mom usually sends. I thought he would surely come by with it because he was walking by the hotel with it. He turned towards his office building. Maybe he thinks we are not around or maybe he will come by with it later. That seems strange.

2-2-99

@10:19a.m.

I hope that this month will go by faster. I cannot wait to get out of her.

Hugh must be going through a male menopause stage. He is crabby all the time. Neither Mahala nor I can make any noises when he is working his Happy Thoughts book. He gives me nasty looks and makes snide remarks, which are uncalled for, an example of which happened yesterday. Mahala and I were talking while he was working on his computer; He looked at us and asked me this "Am I bothering you?" I told him no he was not. I then told him "Looks like we are bothering you." I walked outside then to the garden and sat there to cool off and to leave him alone. Another example: we were watching an Indian movie on the television. The volume control on that does not work at all. If he is home and I am watching the television he will always ask me, "Do you need to watch it. You do not understand what they are talking about." In other words turn the television off because it is bothering him. Now if he was watching a program that he likes, even if it is in Chinese the volume would not bother him at all.

We cleaned out the rooms today. We moved all the furniture outside and swept and mopped the floors. It sure was dirty and dusty. We swept the cow webs off the ceilings and walls. The place looks cleaner now then when we first arrived.

We walked out to the field. Hugh needed some exercise. He hit some balls with the bat, Mahala jumped rope and I walked around the field. We collected some dead wood around the field to burn in our hearth.

We bought a lot of food because the shop down by the hotel lobby is going to be closed for a few days. Business has been slow since the students left.

I washed up some clothes. Then the water stopped running. That was at 3:00p.m. The water came back on at 5:10p.m.

For dinner Mahala ate a can of tuna. Hugh is composing a letter to Grandma. Mahala is watching a Chinese movie. It looks violent to me.

She told me tonight that Grandma is the most important person in her life. That is good. Goodness knows, Mahala does not have anyone else.

2-3-99

@10:36a.m.

It is sunny but cold outside. I checked my clothes that were hanging outside since yesterday afternoon. All of them are frozen solid so I moved them to the sunny part of the building to thaw out.

Looking at Hugh’s face and his demeanor this morning I can tell that he is in one of his moods. So I had better stay out of his way. Mahala too.

Sometimes I wish we could take a vacation and travel somewhere. That would be hard because we do not know the language and we might end up in Inner Mongolia with the way our luck has been going since we came here.

During the last week or so, flowers have been blooming on what we had thought at first to be dead trees. There are about 4 of those trees growing along the edge of the metal railings that separates the hotel from the school. The trunks of those trees are small and the branches are thin and have thorns on them. The branches break easily. The flowers are pink and are the size of a nickel when in full bloom. There is a sweet scent to them. The flowers look like cherry blossoms. I do not think I am wrong. The flowers are about the only thing that is pretty around here. The bees swarm around the blooms. The bees do not bother us. They are just going for the nectar in the flowers. There is even a beehive on one of the pine trees growing in the garden.

I took a walk around the field this afternoon. Mahala played with some of her friends in the field. I wanted to cook up a pot of rice early this evening but there was no water at all. It was 4:15p.m. then.

We had a fire in the kitchen this evening. We had plugged in the water kettle into the wall outlet while we finished our dinner. Hugh walked out to wash the dirty dishes . The whole wall was on fire. He immediately switched off the main. The 3-pronged outlet was melted right through. The electrical cord was burnt. That was a close call.

Zola knocked at our door this evening. She wanted Hugh to talk to the lady at the front desk. Zola wanted to spend the night in the rooms upstairs. Those rooms are for the paying students. Zola has a cousin who happens to be one of those students and Zola has always taken advantage of that fact. She washes her clothes and sometimes sleeps in the rooms with the paying students. She is not supposed to do that. I guess the lady had told her that she cannot spend the night in the room because all the students are gone. She has to pay to spend the night in the hotel.

Hugh walked down with her and the matter was settled. Zola did not have the 15yuan to pay for the room. We offered to pay for it and I walked down to the front desk with her. The lady told Zola that she could sleep in the room and that the bathroom was locked. Zola stayed for dinner, took a shower in our bathroom and Hugh gave her a flask of hot water to use. She then watched part of a movie with us and left around 10:00p.m. Zola had been to Wuhan looking for a job. Her boyfriend who is the son of the President of the College is a student at the university there. She told us that she has to pay 5,000yuan to get that job. She does not have the money because her father is an ordinary worker. Her mother died in an accident about 6 months ago. She looks like she has not gotten over the mother’s death yet.

2-4-99

@2:47p.m.

We slept until 8:45a.m. We walked to the market to buy some meat and vegetables.

After breakfast Zola came by. She had bought gifts for all of us. She explained to us that it was in appreciation of the kindness we had shown her yesterday. She bought me a set of thermals, Mahala received a paper Chinese New Year doll and Hugh received red paper banners with words written on them. We were supposed to paste it on our doors on Chinese New Year’s Eve. She also gave us a calendar that she had bought in Wuhan. It had the Beijing opera masks embossed on it. Real colorful.

I tried many times to get in touch with Mr. Zhao. He was not in his office. Finally I reached him at home. He came over immediately to survey the damage. Before that the hotel manager came to see the damage. His name is Mr. Yang. When Mr. Zhao returned he had an electrician with him. The electrician replaced the burnt out wall unit. We will still have to replace the burnt out electrical cord and heating element of the kettle.

Mr. Zhao came by with Hugh’s paycheck for this month later in the day. We got paid early this month because of the holidays.

About a couple of days ago Mahala and her friends were playing out in the yard. They had built themselves a fire and were using the empty tuna cans to cook with. They put wax in the can and placed it over the fire. The girls then placed leaves into the melted wax and stirred it with chopsticks. The hot melted wax started splattering all over the place. The hot wax landed on the middle of her forehead. She was left with a 2^nd degree burn there and the scar is still visible.

We were not aware of the incident until a few hours after the fact. I noticed a red mark on her forehead and asked her about it. That was when she told me after a lot of prying on my part. She was afraid we would get angry with her if she told us. Hugh tells me that Mahala is beginning to look more like a Chinese girl everyday.

The shop in the lobby is closing tomorrow. We are prepared though. We are well stocked with food. The shopkeeper told me that they would re-open after the Spring Festival, which would be before school resumes.

2-5-99

@3:56p.m.

All of us woke up at 9:00a.m. It is very quiet now. All the students have left. We expect it to get even quieter as the week goes by.

I trimmed Hugh’s hair today. He looks so much better.

For the last week our water supply has been interrupted from 3:00 to 5:00p.m. It is every day. This will be the schedule for the vacation.

Mr. Xu came by with a letter from Grandma this evening. The letter was dated 1-24-99. Hugh took the opportunity to ask Mr. Xu to get us a saw, a chisel and a new electric cord for the kettle.

2-6-99

@12:12p.m.

We woke up late again. Hugh wrote to Mom and I am going to just enclose a note with the letter. I am counting the days till we leave. There is another 145 days to go.

This morning I thought I saw Mr. X waiting outside the gate. He was not there when Mahala and I walked out later. I must have been mistaken.

It is 2 more days till Mahala’s birthday. She will be nine and is acting her age all the time, very independent and self-willed, answering back but we usually put a stop to that right away. Overall she is growing up right. She is confident in her thoughts and actions. She is getting prettier everyday. Hugh will have a hard time keeping the boys away.

It has been cold since this morning. We are sitting close to the heaters and trying to keep ourselves as warm as possible. Mahala’s friends are not here today. The weather is keeping them away.

It is 1:07p.m. Mahala’s friends are here and Mahala is out the door.

Julie came and she had bought us 3 packets of "lap cheong". She explained that she has not been to visit because she has been very busy working. She sells life insurance. She is not sure about coming back to class next semester. She told us more about Jimmy, her intended husband. If I got the information right, Jimmy has his own business. He lays carpet. He knows Japanese and has taught English in Japan. He will be coming to Xinyang sometime this year to marry Julie. Jimmy will leave and Julie will have to stay behind in China to clear up the immigration process here in the U.S. Embassy in Beijing. We suggested to Julie that while Jimmy is here he could teach English in this college.

This evening Mahala received an envelope full of goodies: stickers, crayons and a drawing pad. All courtesy of Grandma.

I made noodles and mashed potatoes for Mahala.

2-7-99

@2:55p.m.

It is 7 days since the end of the semester. We have really enjoyed the peace and quiet. No loud music or news blaring from the speakers. We have been waking up late every morning.

Today we walked out to the bakery and ordered a birthday cake for Mahala. We bought her markers and water colored paints as a gift. We also bought a lot of books for her from the shop across the street.

Mr. Xu came this morning with all the tools that Hugh had wanted. We paid Mr. Xu for all those items.

Hugh has started using the tools already. He fashioned a handle for the chisel and sharpened the chisel. He will start to make the frames and start to stretch the canvas soon.

He finished his first frame at 3:20p.m.

I walked to get the birthday cake for Mahala. Hugh and Mahala had told me that the cake would be ready by 4:00p.m. today. It was not. I had thought the baker said tomorrow but both of them insisted that it was today. I was right after all.

On the way back I bought Mahala some fireworks. She picked them out and the total was 15yuan. When we brought it back Hugh sent me out to buy more. This time the total was 14yuan. Hugh supervised the children and Mahala while they were setting off their fireworks and crackers.

I saw Mr. X again. We were buying food and he gave me a letter. It was written in Chinese. I showed him the date on the calendar on when he was supposed to come again. It was after the school holidays. The only reason I did that was because then the students would be back and we can have one of them interpret for us.

2-8-99

@3:00p.m.

It is Mahala’s birthday. She is just growing up to fast and away from me. She is a very precocious 9-year-old. She might not act like it but she definitely is. I cannot believe how time flies by so quickly. I can still remember what she looked like the day I gave birth to her. She weighed 8lbs. 12ozs. had black hair and 3 chins. She was that chubby. I remember how we use to put her between us in bed on a pillow. She is still there between us.

We are going to pick up her birthday cake at 3:30p.m. and buy her more firecrackers. She has finished blowing up the ones we bought her yesterday.

I found evidence of mouse droppings on my coffee table again this morning. So as usual I had to wash our cutlery and utensils. I just hate the thought of those animals crawling all over my dishes and cups. It is time we put out more of the D-Con.

Mahala was hungry tonight. She has been out for hours playing with her friends in the yard. By the time it is ready to come in she looks mighty dirty. I had a difficult time persuading her to clean up. After dinner we brought up the cake. We lighted candles and sang to her. She had to take 4 puffs before she could blow out the candles. She must be getting weak.

Tonight we hear more fireworks being set off. It is getting closer to the Spring Festival.

2-9-99

@11:11a.m.

We found evidence of more mouse droppings. It has gotten into the D-Con though. It will have to take a few more days before the rat/mouse keels over from the effects of the poison.

We saw another schizophrenic this morning. He was walking along the road and singing to himself. He was carrying a bamboo stick. Everyone was looking and laughing at his antics. I could not help but laugh at him myself.

The water has been shut off again. Usually we lose water from 11:00a.m. until 1:00p.m. then from 3:00p.m. until 5:00p.m. This has been the norm since the school vacation started.

Hugh is still deep in his Happy Thoughts book. He has admitted that writing in this book keeps him sane and whole here. He writes in it constantly. I am glad because the book keeps his frustrations in check.

Mahala took the bicycle that Mr. Zhao has loaned to us out to the field today. It is the first time she has used it since we have had it. She managed to entangle 2 jump ropes in the back wheel and Hugh had to go out to the field to help her. He found out that the back tire was flat. I walked out with Mahala and her friend to try and locate the bicycle repairer who had a air pump. The man was not there. I managed to borrow one from the shopkeeper from the hotel. Luckily he was there that day. Hugh pumped out both tires while he was at it. Mahala went out to the field again to ride around the track.

We gave some D-Con to the hotel lady and told her we were going to put some in the drain. We gave her the rest so she could put it around the hotel.

Mahala came back and we walked out to buy some chocolate candies. On the way back we saw a lady selling "man toa" outside the school gate. We must have waited 2 to 3 minutes waiting for her to sell to us. She had other customers besides us too, but then she started selling to others who came after us. When we first walked up to her we were standing beside her, then we walked to the front of the cart where she could see us. She still did not acknowledge or even make eye contact with us. She was looking and talking to all her other customers and serving them instead of us. Mahala finally said to me "Lets go Mom". We walked away. I thought that was rather rude on the part of the lady. She is the first rude person I have encountered here. It was as if we did not exist at all. I am not bothered by her action because I know she will still be selling her "man toa" when I am back in the States.

There is water collecting in the hallway outside of our rooms. There must be a bad leak in the pipes.

2-10-99

@2:12p.m.

We bought meat and vegetables from the market this morning. I must have spent over an hour cleaning the chicken and cutting it up.

Hugh took a nap but woke up when he heard voices outside the hallway. It was Mr. Zhao and one of the ladies that worked in the hotel. All of them were checking the leak coming from the faucet that was located along the wall across from our rooms. The leak seemed to be getting worse. It started yesterday evening and at one point the water was at least 1 to 2 inches on the floor. Luckily the door stoop is higher than the water level.

We also bought more snacks for Mahala. The shop at the hotel lobby will be closed until February 26^th. Mahala is feeling bored and cooped up. Her friends have not been here at all because of the rain.

I cooked up a good meal today. Mahala enjoyed the food. All of us did.

I hope that our friend Mr. "Lao Shu" will not make an appearance tonight.

We have had low water pressure the whole day. What is going on? Is the management doing it on purpose? We have always had low water pressure but usually it only lasts for a couple of hours. But today it has remained constant. If the water pressure is low we cannot run the water heater. So we cannot take hot showers. If this keeps up for a few more days I will have to talk to Mr. Zhao.

2-11-99

@9:36a.m.

It is really foggy this morning. The water pressure is still low. It is beginning to annoy me.

It has been exactly a month since we wrote to the American Embassy in Beijing. That letter was dated 1-10-99. We have had no reply or even an acknowledgment. We wonder if their reply has been intercepted along the line. That is a real possibility with the people here. We are kept isolated, we have no phone to the outside world, and we are like virtual prisoners because of our lack of contact to the outside world. Our only contact has been with Mom but our letters to her take about 3 weeks to get to her while her letters to us take about 10 days. So Hugh is writing another letter to the Embassy. When he is finished I will walk out to mail it. I hope we will get some kind of response.

Julie brought a friend over to visit. It is a friend who works for China Telecoms. Her name is Chan and she is 20 years old. The friend is pretty. We sat outside talking. We told Chan that we would like to introduce her to a student of Hugh’s by the name of Elton. She is pretty and Elton is available. It might lead to something. As Mary used to quote perhaps or maybe.

2-12-99

@1:25p.m.

I washed up a big load today. I did the bed sheets because the day looks like it might turn out sunny.

Mr. Xu came by with a birthday card from Lucille. The card was for Mahala.

We took a walk around the campus this afternoon. Hugh took some pictures of the school, especially the buildings. After the walk he told me that there were 3 groups of people who went out of their way to avoid us. We figure that they must be faculty because everyone else is gone.

The mice are active tonight.

2-13-99

@11:44a.m.

Hugh had to get up at 4:30a.m. The mice were making so much noises. We heard them trying to get into our packets of noodles. So he stayed up for ½ an hour in the living room trying to catch the darn creature without any luck. He thinks it could have been a rat because it sounded loud. He finally came back to bed and slept until 9:30a.m.

I walked out with Mahala and I bought her some balloons and also to buy some fried rice. While waiting she saw something that made her really upset.

There was a little boy of about 4 years old. He was holding a small kitten in his hands. He was taunting a puppy with the kitten. He would push the kitten in to the puppy’s face and then pull it away. The puppy was trying to get the kitten. "Mommy stop him, he is going to hurt the kitten." I walked towards the boy and tried to take the kitten away from him. The little boy would not let go. Finally I just grabbed the kitten away and handed it to Mahala. The kitten just huddled in Mahala’s arms just trembled. It was scared. The boy wrested the kitten away from Mahala’s arms and started taunting the puppy again. I caught hold of his arms and told him no, but he kept doing it anyway. His dad or his uncle came along on a bicycle. The boy dropped the kitten into the basket that was in front of the bicycle. The man told the boy to remove the kitten. We had to go then, as the food was ready. As we walked away we looked back. The boy was nowhere to be seen but the puppy was now trying to get the kitten on its own. Two young girls about Mahala’s age chased the puppy away and carried the kitten for awhile. We thought that was a horrible little boy and that some adult should teach him humane manners towards animals.

We also saw the fair-haired boy that we had seen a few months back. He was with a woman and they were buying fireworks. The lady looked Caucasian to me. She was light complexioned, tall and had light sandy hair. Her facial features were sharp though her eyes were almond shaped.

When we came back I told Hugh about her. We wonder if she could be the product of a Caucasian father and an Oriental mother. Hugh told me that during the Korean War there was a lot of prisoners of war that was sent to China for internment. Lots of questions and theories but no concrete conclusions.

2-14-99

@12:23p.m.

I am not too sure but I think today is Sunday.

Mr. Zhao came yesterday with a packet of Chinese sausages and a bottle of Nescafe and Creamer. He told us it is a gift from his family for the Spring Festival.

This morning I walked to the market and bought myself some chicken breasts. That was all the chicken seller had. Then I bought some cookies for Mahala. The people are getting ready for the New Year. We anticipate that when the day approaches more and more shops will be closed. Mr. Zhao told us that the vendors in the market will take a week’s holiday and most of the shops will be closed.

It is getting chilly and windy again.

Someone has been cleaning the public toilets located just behind the hotel. Because of the direction of the wind we caught a whiff of some really indescribable scent. All of Mahala’s friends took off running including Mahala. I had to go to the front of the hotel to escape from it. Hugh was forced to go inside the rooms too. It took a while before we walked back into the back yard again.

Hugh told me that we lost power for about 5 minutes or so while I was sitting outside. The power outage occurred around 3:50p.m.

There are 2 boys playing outside with Mahala. Both are about 10 or 11 years old. I have not seen them before.

I nearly forgot that it is nearly Valentine’s day, until Mr. Zhao brought an envelope that had Valentine cards and candies in it.

2-15-99

@8:34p.m.

Today is Chinese New Year Eve.

Yesterday evening Hugh was in one of his moods. He was really being mean to me. From his remarks I get the feeling that I am being dumped on. If he cannot find an outlet for his frustrations then he should not take it out on me. I do not ask him to respect me anymore because I do not think he can do it. I find it unfair that if things do not work out the way he expects it to, then the next logical step is he decides to vent his anger towards me. I know it is difficult here and I try very hard to get by day to day. I do not need him and his erratic moods to make it harder. If he wants peace and quiet then he can go to the unused room. There is a desk, a chair and a heater. He can be comfortable in there the whole day if he wants to be alone with his moods and thoughts. He can stay in there the whole day for all I care. It irritates me to no end when he rolls his eyes, frowns and make nasty remarks when Mahala and I walk in and out of the door. If he cannot even deal with his family then he surely will have a more difficult time dealing with the public at large when he sets up his own business. If he wants to be a recluse or hermit then I suggest the room next door. If I can help it I will keep to myself and avoid being dumped on all the time. It is damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I have had so much bullshit dumped on me already. I want to tell Hugh no more.

There are a lot of firecrackers being set off today. I hear them going for minutes on end. It must the ones that stretch for 10 feet or even longer. It is sold in rolled up bundles.

I cleaned up the outdoor hearth. It needed it. I have not cleaned it out since we first built it. Mahala and her friends have been removing the bricks from the hearth.

Mr. Zhao came by with a box of dried noodles. He left the box with Mahala and took off.

When I feel bad like I do now I miss my Mom terribly. I wish she was around to talk to. I feel like my husband and daughter sometimes show me no respect. I am forty years old and both of them treat me like a nobody. What I say and do is of no total consequence. I am just a voice bouncing off the wall. It is very disheartening to say the least. And it especially hurts when even my daughter treats me that way. She picks it up from Hugh. Maybe I ask for it because of my own behavior towards them. If they read this I am sure they will say it is not true.

2-16-99

@2:09p.m.

Today is the first day of the Chinese New Year. It is the Year of the Rabbit.

Yesterday we had a display of fireworks at 7:00p.m. It was held in front of the hotel out in the field. It was not anything like the Fourth of July but I guess the school or some private individuals had decided to put on a show for the locals. They must have spent a large sum of money for that. At 12 midnight we heard fireworks being set off. It woke all off us up. It was all around us. The noises must have lasted at least 20 minutes.

As usual this morning Hugh is being his usual sacarstic self. He made a comment about the trees outside bending over with the wind. I replied "um, um". He then just said "Uhm! What you say must be interesting too." I get the feeling that he hates me more and more as the days stretch on. I feel very unhappy about that. I feel I am not living up to his expectations. I am not "gung ho" enough for him. I feel I am not intelligent enough to carry on an intellectual conversation with him. I am not clever enough for him. I cannot lax lyrical at all his thoughts and ideas all the time. He has to take me as I am.

It is blowing like the dickens outside. I had to bring the clothes in before it blew away.

I can still hear firecrackers being set off. I have not heard anything like it since Malaysia. My father used to buy those long strands of firecrackers and set it off on the eve to scare off the evil spirits and ghosts. Of course that was when the laws governing the setting off of fireworks was less strict.

We are sure that there is a mouse or rat in the rooms. There are evidence of its presence everywhere. It is on the table, desk and shelves. There is more than one for sure. I hope the D-Con does not take too long to finish those creatures off.

There is no water coming from the kitchen faucet and minimum water pressure in the bathroom. It has been like this since the school semester ended.

2-17-99

@5:10p.m.

Mahala and I walked out to buy some snacks from the shops outside the school gates. Most of the shops were open and looked well stocked with hampers of food.

The owner of the shop that we went to (we knew her) braided up Mahala’s hair and put 2 pretty red ribbons in them. Her husband gave Mahala a big red balloon and red dates. It is a symbol for luck.

Hugh and I decided that we needed to get gifts for Mr. Zhao and his family. Also for Mr. Xu. We walked out in the afternoon after lunch and bought 2 bottles of wine for the men, a box of nutritious drink for Mrs. Zhao and a big packet of assorted snacks for Ah Mor. We took all those up to Mr. Zhao’s office. He was on duty that day. He accepted the gifts graciously. Mr. Xu was not there so we told Mr. Zhao to pass it on.

When we got back I started to compose a letter to Grandma on the computer while Hugh napped on the chair. When he woke up the first words out of his mouth were "I can never sleep here, too much noise, it never fails." I sensed that it was directed at me because the next words were "are you still at it, writing a novel." I cannot even write a letter? I was getting into the spirit of the letter until he spoke. It never fails. I can be doing something that I enjoy and then he has to criticize it. That puts a damper on it. I wonder what he hopes to gain by his words. He has an acidic tongue and he uses it well. He should learn to curb it. No one in his right mind likes individuals with that sort of personality. His constant criticisms and snide remarks bothers me so much. It takes all I have not to snap back when I so much want to. I know what will happen if I do. We will get into a blazing row and I hate that.

Nothing I do or say pleases him anymore. I cannot seem to do anything right. When I talk I disturb him, if I whisper then I am plotting against him. Either way I open myself up to his negative remarks. I do not like to quarrel and I try my best not to provoke a fight with him, but he is surely testing me. Hugh if you want peace and quiet then you should have remained single and live like a hermit.

Hugh just walked out from the bedroom and asked why I was not writing my letter. I told him I did not want to disturb him. He said I was not bothering him. Yea right. He then said that I made him feel guilty. Good. Then he said, "I don’t care what you do." And proceeded to walk back to the bedroom. That was the end of our conversation.

2-18-99

It is a windy day. I stayed indoors most of the day. Mahala and I watched a Chines movie in the afternoon. I made up the "lap cheong" for dinner. I finished up the letter to Grandma and composed a letter to the U.S. Embassy in Beijing. By 8:30p.m. we were all cleaned up and in bed. Around 9:15p.m. or a little later I heard footsteps in the hallway upstairs, then a door being opened and footsteps in the room above us. Mahala was fast asleep then and Hugh was dozing off. Intuitively I knew that before too long Hugh will get upset.

We heard the people walking back and forth constantly for at least 40 minutes. They were not settling down. The television was turned way up high. By now Hugh had lost his temper. He started punching the headboard on the bed. Then he punched the closet wall and in the process broke the panels. He was so worked up by now that he put on his shirt and pants and walked down to the lobby intending to find out who was in the room above us. I could hear him raise his voice and he said that he was going to talk to the manager of the hotel in the morning. Of course the lady on duty did not understand any of this. All she probably saw was an angry white man raising his voice at her.

He walked back to our bedroom. By that time the noise level was much quieter. We went back to sleep again. It stayed that way for a few minutes. Then it started again. We heard the bed creaking. The couple upstairs were having sex. It was loud sex. He woke me up and we heard the bed creaking for the next 3 to 5 minutes. "This is it. I am not taking anymore." He walked to the living room and brought back the tape recorder. He turned the recorder on and tried to tape the noises coming from above us. The creaking stopped then. He sat in the other room for the next 5 minutes. I know he is stewing and fuming over what transpired. I realize that he is upset and that this sort of situation bothers him more than me. What he did and said to me afterwards was not what I expected him to do.

He got back into bed and I could feel the anger coming from him. His body language said it all. He leaned across me and pushed me. I just ignored him. Then he pushed me again. I turned around and asked him "What do you want?" He replied "Talk to me." I knew that whatever I said then would be misconstrued by him and that we would end up fighting. I was right. He began by accusing me of certain things that I had no idea still bothered him. I just cannot believe that he can be so petty then. It was a side of Hugh that I have never seen before. He just kept rambling on and on about how everything is his fault, how our marriage has to change, how he was going to take Mahala back with him and leave me here. I never knew Hugh could be so mean and petty towards me. It looked like he had a vendetta against me and he was going to exact his revenge there and then. Mahala started to cry then and started pleading with him not to do that. I have had it by then with his insinuations. I screamed out a few choice words at him. I felt like he was goading me on and I had to somehow defend myself. All that time Mahala was begging and pleading with us to stop fighting. She looked like me all over again. I remember my father and mother doing the same thing before they went their separate ways. All the bitter words exchanged between them.

Hugh kept pointing his finger at me and if there is anything I hate it is that gesture. He was in my space and I pushed him away because right at that moment I felt he was going to physically hit me. I can see the anger in his face and all of that emotion was directed at me. I hated him then. I felt like an abused wife then and if he had so much as touched me then I would have made plans to come back to the U.S. Maybe he just had that little self control left in him to think better of it. I told him that I agreed that maybe it is time we re-consider our marriage. It seems headed on a disaster course.

He took one quilt and slept on the brown vinyl couch in the living room. I stayed with Mahala and comforted her. She finally fell asleep while I stayed up for a few hours longer.

I really think Hugh was wrong in his actions towards me. I was not the one who made those noises upstairs and by getting angry with me I felt like I am being victimized. I seriously think he should apologize to me.

2-19-99

@9:45a.m.

This morning Hugh walked up to see Mr. Zhao in his office. Hugh found out that the room directly above us has a double bed. It is cheaper than the other rooms. He told Hugh that couples usually ask for the room since it was cheaper. The bed in that room is exactly right above our bed. Mr. Zhao told Hugh that he cannot do much about the situation and that the only solution would be to change our sleeping arrangements or we will have more nights like the one we had yesterday.

From today onwards we will have water only between the hours of 5:30p.m. to 8:30p.m. Water will be shut off at 10:30a.m. every morning. There is a broken pipe somewhere along the main line and because it is the Spring Festival there is no one around to repair it. This will last for 10 days or until the semester start again.

2-20-99

@10:27p.m.

The market is still closed but we managed to buy some fresh mushrooms from the street vendors. We also bought cookies to have on hand.

Hugh is repairing the broken closet. He looks subdued today. Maybe he has had time to think over what he had done the night before. He still has not apologized for his atrocious actions and words towards me. I guess he feels I do not deserve one and that he has no need to do it. I would surely make me feel better if he did.

I keep dwelling over his words that he spoke. I know it is unhealthy to do so. It is in my thoughts and I cannot seem to get rid of it. I am not angry now only hurt by his actions and words. The night he lost his temper all he could talk about was going home. He paced between both rooms and kept muttering "What do you think. We are going home. Want to do that." I though he was going through a mental breakdown then. He has reached his limit here. I honestly felt that way. I know he will never agree with me, but Hugh deals with difficult situations by getting angry with the person or place that has caused it and if both of those are not available to him then he usually comes after me. It has happened before and I am sure it will happen again.

He wants to begin a business when he gets back to the States. That is good. Maybe it will make us some money though I am not giving up on the thought of a teaching position for him. Hugh will need to be able to interact with people and situations. He is poor in that department. And he needs to work on that temper of his. He cannot expect to be a hermit and make money doing that. He needs to be more involved with people even if he hates doing that.

Hugh if you ever read this, know that I am not kidding and that deep inside yourself you know it too. I know you are not a people person but if you want to succeed in business you need to eat a lot of humble pie and put up with bullshit all the time. You need to eat a lot of "crow" in life. Listen to good advice and disregard bad ones. You may think I am just a bag of bull shit when I talk this way. You may think what you like. I know I should not be preaching what I do not practice. I have faults too and you have always thrown them in my face when you get angry and I have always taken them without defending myself. I try to correct those faults as best I can.

You have a tendency of getting angry and upset if a person does not agree with you. Why do you think I always keep quiet when you ask me for my opinions? You flare up if I don’t agree with you. I had told you I really did not want to come here. You had a thousand and one reasons on why we should. But we are here, and I just wait for the time when we can leave. At times like this I resent being here. I do not want to hear about Gordon anymore; I don not want to hear about how little I earned or was not valued at the Civic Center. I know that it is true of the former but not the latter in spite of what you may think. Right now I think about what we can do together when we get back to the States. Then maybe you want to do it alone. That is up to you. If you decide that we can make it together then I need to let you know of one important condition. I do not want to be moving every other year. All the moves we have made through our married lives have really stressed me out, a lot more than you’ll ever know. I hate it with passion. I am tired of this game and do not want to play it anymore. I want it to stop. And another thing, please do not blame me for any situations that happens that I did not create. I am not a scapegoat for everyone especially you, Hugh. I do not deserve treatment like that. I had written before about this and how you need to find the cause of your own frustrations and anger and target the cause of it. Please do not put it on Mahala or me. Both of us were not put on Earth for that reason.

This afternoon Mahala and I walked out to buy more fireworks. Coming through the school gate I heard firecrackers being set off behind us. I looked back and there were 3 men standing outside the gate A firecracker exploded right in front of them. One of the men looked all around him to locate where the firecracker had come from.

It was then that I saw 2 young men and a boy behind us. The boy was holding 2 boxes of firecrackers in his hand. He was trying to shove the boxes into his pocket. Man A had a firecracker the size and length of my thumb in one hand and a cigarette lighter in the other. He passed us and lighted the firecracker. I looked over at Mahala and told her to move away. I knew that A was going to throw the lighted firecracker. She moved away towards the wall of the shops. "A" threw the firecracker towards Mahala and it exploded. The group kept walking. I had my dander up by then. I shouted at them "Hey! you" at least three times. "B" looked back and I shouted at him "You threw the firecracker at her. Don’t do that." I repeated myself 3 times and pointed at Mahala. "A" did not look back at all. He kept on walking. "B" kept saying "Sorry, sorry". I told him "Okay, do not to it again." "B" apologized again. All that time "A" who threw the firecracker kept walking and would not turn around to face me. That made me mad.

Both Mahala and Hugh are out in the field. Mahala wants to play on the parallel bars. Mahala’s friend was out in the field too. She was riding her bicycle carrying a passenger on the back. Both of the girls fell off. Hugh brought Mahala’s friend back and cleaned her up. She had abrasions on her palms.

Later in the evening 4 boys came by and set off firecrackers and fireworks with Mahala. They did not stay too long.

2-21-99

@10:50a.m.

We have no water at all. This morning I had collected water in the bathtub. That water should last us until this evening.

Hugh walked out to the field in the afternoon. He had his sketchpad and pencils with him. He was trying to sketch the school. When I looked over the railings towards where he was sitting I could see a big group of children surrounding him. The children were curious. Most of them came and go.

Mahala wanted an ice cream and all of us walked out to buy her one. Upon reaching the gate we saw a large crowd gathered around there. We heard shouting. We bought the ice cream and walked back again. The crowd was still there but this time there was a police car. We never found out what the commotion was all about.

I saw a schizophrenic man leaning against the school wall.

2-22-99

@10:15a.m

I woke up about half an hour ago. There is hardly any water pressure. It took me about 20minutes to collect a bucket of water.

I walked out to mail my letters but the post office was closed. The shop where I usually buy our food is still closed too. The owner was there cleaning up the premises.

Hugh is in the living room. I think he is in a mood again. I feel today will be one of those days where all of us will be on edge.

We received a letter from Grandma. She sent us a National Geographic, a book for Mahala and an Income Tax Form for us. Hugh got upset when he read the earnings on his W-2 Forms. He suspects that Gordon lied on it. The earnings reported were way too high.

Julie cam to visit. She had a friend with her. His name is "Little River" and he works for the same insurance company that Julie is at. She bought us a bouquet of flowers and a roasted chicken. The roses and carnations were beautiful. Our visitors left after an hour.

Today we had no water right up until the time we went to bed and that was at 9:15p.m.

2-23-99

I have just completed filling up the Tax Forms. If my calculations are correct we should be getting some money back. I said the same thing last year and we got hit hard. We had to pay an extra US$800. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

We have not had any water since 9:00a.m. Usually if we are lucky the water comes back on between the hours of 5:45p.m. and 6:30p.m. It is now 6:31p.m. There is still no water. For the last 2 days it has been like this. I hope this does not keep up for too long.

2-24-99

@2:05p.m.

There was still no water at 8:00a.m. We woke up at 7:00a.m. Finally I called Mr. Zhao. I got through to him at 8:30a.m. He came by at 10:30a.m. We were told that the water will be back on at 11:00a.m. He discussed with us our living conditions and how bad it is. The cold and damp and the noises coming from upstairs and the erratic water supply. He informed us that the school provides the water for the hotel and that is why our water supply is subject to the school’s control. Hopefully when the new semester starts our water supply will come from the city lines. The school was trying to change it because previous foreign teachers have complained about the same problem. He hopes to have future foreign teachers live on faculty housing or make other living arrangements rather than have them in the hotel. We told him he really should.

Mahala has learned to ride an adult bicycle. It sits so high off the ground. I always fear she might fall off on one of those things.

2-25-99

@2:21p.m.

Our regular eating shop finally reopened yesterday. So for the last 2 days we have bought food from them. This morning while I was waiting for my fried rice a young couple walked in. The woman had on a long coat that came down to her knees and a pair of boots. She had straight shoulder length hair, make-up on and tattooed eye brows. She had a tired look on her face. The man had his left arm in a cast. He had long hair like the woman. He wore a black jacket and a pair of gray pants. His skin was yellowish and pale. He had a long face and was buck toothed. He reminded me of a horse. They ordered some "tao hua" and "re kan mien". The "tao hua" was served to them immediately as it had been prepared earlier. They had to wait for the "mien". I could tell they were impatient because the woman kept hanging around the owner who was frying up my food. She kept pacing between their table and the stove. She then proceeded to wash 2 sets of chopsticks. I looked at the man and he had his pinkie up his nose and was moving it around his nostril. I thought the situation was ironic. The woman was particular about the chopsticks and here she is with a guy who is digging his buggers while sitting and eating his "tao hua". He asked the woman why their order was taking so long. She told him that the owner was cooking up my order first. He rolled his eyes at that statement. He acted like a jerk. I find him offensive, his behavior, and his tone of voice all because he had to wait for his food.

It is cool and we had a light rain fall this morning.

This evening the school authorities tried out the public speaker system. It still works. They played waltz music composed by Johann Strauss for about 20 minutes.

2-26-99

@9:24a.m.

The semester starts in another 2 days. It is still raining. The field is flooded. The ground is not absorbing the water. The ground is saturated with water. Or it could because the earth has been impacted with thousands of feet walking over it. The ground is hard and dry when it is not raining.

I have decided that since it is still raining we will not walk to the market. Maybe after 10:00 I will walk out to buy some food from our usual store.

2-27-99

@7:27p.m.

Hugh and I walked to the market this morning. I bought some pork from the butcher. There was a woman vendor arguing with her customer. From the little I can understand it was a matter of over charging of goods. I never buy from this particular vendor. She overcharged me for some sausages that I bought from her. That was the first and last time I ever bought from her again. The customer was very irate at her and was scolding the woman. There was a very heated exchange of words. Shoppers stopped and stared. We moved on down the market. When we walked back about half an hour later the heated verbal exchanges was still going on. The customer wanted to make sure everyone knew the unscrupulous practices of the vendor. The crowd had thinned out by then.

The campus is beginning to come back to life again. The students are beginning to come back.

Tom Liu came this morning and gave us 2 bags of peanuts (home grown) and a bag of rice cake(home made).

Monica came with a piece of salted pork and a live rooster. We have it tied outside in the garden and cannot bear to kill it. It is beautiful. Maybe it can be our pet for a few days until we decide what to do with it. I swear it will start crowing tomorrow before the sun rises. Hugh might take it to the market tomorrow morning and have the chicken seller butcher it for us. She charges 1yuan for it. Monica has offered to kill the chicken for us if we are too afraid to do it. Lucy came and she had some home made snacks for us. It looked like fried wonton skins. She also had a family friend make a cheongsam for Mahala. She also bought a book written in Pin Yin for Mahala.

We took some photos of Mahala wearing the cheongsam with the hand-sewn shoes.

We have more mice/rats. Hugh saw 2 of them run across the room and we could hear them too.

2-28-99

@1:26p.m.

We got rid of the rooster this morning. It woke us up at 4:30a.m. this morning with its crowing. It would crow every 5 minutes or so, 20 to 25 times. It kept us awake and finally we just got out of bed at 5:20a.m. The darn rooster must have woke up all the guests in the hotel. The lights in each room were on. So we finally decided to release it. Mahala and Hugh untied it and put the rooster back in a bag, took it behind the school library and tossed it over the wall. There is a little farm situated there. We gave it its freedom. When they walked away Hugh and Mahala heard a dog barking. Maybe the dog got the chicken. We could not take another morning of the rooster crowing at 4:00a.m. We will just have to lie to Monica if she asks about the rooster. We will tell her that we had someone kill it for the pot.

I saw Elton and Roy this morning. They came back yesterday night. Both of them looked tired and sleepy.

When I got back May was there. She wanted to tell us that her Mom has sewn a pair of shoes for Mahala. Her mother will send it to May when it is ready.

Mr. Zhao came after that. He had 2 letters for us. One from Siew Pheng and the other from Tory. There is also a box at the post office. He cannot pick it up because he is too busy. The semester is starting soon and he has a lot of work to take care of. Guess we will have to get someone else.

In the early evening Wendy and Dan came over. Wendy gave me a bottle of hot bean sauce that her Mom had made.