The Leaves of Fall
9-4-98
@8:25a.m.
I woke around 5:55a.m. The music started blaring at 6:00a.m. I hear a cricket close by. It must be trapped inside the bedroom. It kept me awake with its chirping.
Hugh has promised to call Mom this morning from the Foreign Affairs Office. It is now exactly seven days since we arrived.
Our diet is atrocious. We have not eaten any meat products since then. We managed to buy ourselves 3 loaves of bread at the market downtown. Our money is running out and we cannot cash our travelers checks anywhere in the city. We are slowly starving.
I want Hugh to tell the Foreign Affairs that we want to leave. If we did it would mean failure on our part even before we started. All that money that Mom gave to us so that we could be here would be wasted.
My stomach has been bothering me the last few days. I know it cannot be what I am eating because I haven’t had anything. I hope it is nothing serious.
I know I am giving Hugh a difficult time with my constant bitching about how hard the situation here is and how rotten it has been. I will stop all this whining as soon as our situation improves. Whenever anyone asks, "How are you doing?" I simply say "Okay". That’s about it. I am not happy and I don’t think I ever will. Where are the things we have been promised?
No one speaks English, so that makes things even more difficult. I cannot simply walk to the market and shop or even to the hawkers because no one understands me.
I have made it a point to ask the students to remove their shoes when they come in the rooms. They don’t remove their shoes when they come in.
There must be a military base close by. We hear artillery everyday. We saw two army bases on the way to the city. There may be more.
While shopping in the market downtown I saw a metal spittoon in the middle of the room. The market was hot and the floor was dirty. There were groups of people just standing around watching the programs on television.
There was a guard at the bank. He had a table and chair located by the side of the entrance. That was where he sat. He also had a bottle of tea with him. While waiting for Hugh I saw the guard spit on the floor.
It is after 12:00p.m. We made the call to Grandma. I cried when I heard her voice. It sounded so comforting. We spoke to her for about 15 minutes and told her about our financial situation.
Mr. Zhao insisted on taking Hugh to the cashier’s office to get an advance on his salary. He walked back with Hugh to our lodgings. Mr. Zhao then requested our medical records and also our passports. I told him I preferred to have our passports with us. I am not letting those passports out of my sight. So later in the afternoon he is taking us to the police station to get our working papers so we can stay here. I informed him that we could not cash our travelers checks and that is why we had to call mom for some money.
During our conversation with Mom, she informed us that she wrote us a long letter. I feel so sad.
It is about 2:00p.m. Mahala is in the hotel lobby playing with a little boy who is about 4 years old. His parents run the little shop in the hotel lobby. I have noticed that all the children here especially those between the ages of one to four all wear pants that have slits up their behind. That makes it easier for the children to go number one or two. All the children do is just squat down. They do not have to remove the pants or even pull it down. We are waiting for Mr. Zhao to come. He has informed us that to get the working papers we would have to pay 100yuan each. I hope this is the last time we have to pay for the privilege for being here.
The hotel maids say Hi when I come down to get fresh hot water for my thermos flasks. The ladies like Mahala. They have been giving her fruits, ice cream and snacks. Thank goodness for that. If not she surely would starve.
It is 6:07p.m. We have just had dinner. Noodles and rice again. We bought some rolls on a stick from the shop in the lobby. Mahala seems to enjoy it even though is greasy.
Hugh has also volunteered to teach more classes. He has forgotten the golden rule. Never volunteer for anything.
I felt like I wanted to be busy with classes than the schedule they had given me, and thus the next morning Mr. Lu showed up at my door explaining that I was to take over an English Literature class given up the another Mr. Liu. With that I found my schedule sufficiently busy. English literature was to the same class of Grade IV students to whom I was supposed to be instructing in Journalism. This class proved to be particularly difficult and had somewhat bad attitudes that only got worse as the semester bore on.
My first Journalism class went well. I met Mr. Lu near a building and we walked up to the room on the second floor, and the class clapped when I entered the room. The first lecture was perhaps the best lecture I gave to them, promising to teach them more than in fact, it later proved to be, I could hope to teach them. A decided to teach an anthropology of knowledge and construction of reality perspective in Journalism, and I demonstrated to the class the difference between Journalistic language and everyday oral discourse by having them transmit a verbal message to one another, and then having students recite back the message they had heard. The message started off as something like "Two men went together to the International airport" and it turned out something like "a man had two atomic bombs in a brief case." This little exercise proved effective and impressed the class a great deal. It left me off the hook to buy some time to prepare my syllabus materials over the weekend for the forthcoming classes.
9-5-98
@9:00a.m.
I have found evidence of mouse droppings in the bedroom and also on the computer table. This morning the smell was especially bad. It smelt like decaying vegetables. The little children were here at 8:45a.m. I told them in hand language to come back later. I must have succeeded in getting my message across because they left.
I do not know how much longer I can hold out. I am constantly hungry. I know Mahala and Hugh are that way too. We have had no meat or any source of protein for many a days.
Right now I am waiting for the water to boil so I can take a shower and wash my hair. I hate it here. It is so hard to come by anything.
Some days it gets so bad for me. I feel like pulling my hair out of frustration. I feel like screaming and hitting. Lash out at anyone or anything. Maybe do violence to someone. My nerves are frayed at the edge and I cannot take more of this. I really need to get out of here. I feel like I am going mad here. It is serious. If the situation does not change I will not be responsible for my actions. I feel like I am losing my mind. I have no control over my feelings. Everyday is a nightmare. I go to sleep feeling hungry and dirty and I wake up feeling even worse. The students come to visit at odd hours. Hugh really needs to post his office hours. We need our own private time for ourselves.
9-6-98
The first few weeks were the most difficult time of our first semester at the college. We were not getting enough of the right kind of food to eat—we were literally starving ourselves slowly from lack of sufficient protein. We didn’t know how to order for ourselves food or go to the market. Rosie would refuse to go marketing. I felt caught between a rock and a hard spot—she was not cooperating at all with things. I couldn’t be too mad at her, and I couldn’t blame her. The kitchen room which consisted of two rooms with tiled floors, one fore chamber and a back chamber with a small sink and tile counter, with small transome windows all around, with holes in the screens where the rats had chewed through, was in such a mess—grease and filth on all the walls and floors as if it hadn’t been cleaned in a couple of years, that she refused to cook out there. She complained to Mr. Zhou and Mr. Zhou got the staff of the Hotel to come down and clean the bathroom on the second weekend. They came in with a hose and sprayed down the floors and scrubbed all the walls. I worked with them, which they found to be quite a funny spectacle, and made sure that everying got cleaned. We even changed the burnedout light-bulbs and cleaned the crystals above us. By the time we were finished, the kitchen looked quite cleaner than before. I kept an effort through the remainder of our academic year there to keep the kitchen clean and in order. Having this extra space was valuable to us, and I moved the natural gas stove to the front on top of a desk as Rosie requested and she cooked our first meal of rice, eggs and some Chinese sausage. That weekend we had a chicken slaughtered, some chinese long beans, and some French fries we cut ourselves. Julia was there and helped us to eat the food. I found the Chicken, a rooster that theChicken lady had picked out for us, to be very tough and skinny.
I was trying to manage what quickly turned into a very busy schedule, including all the discussion groups I had created, especially for the new "paying" students who felt left out and disadvantaged and seemed to need to voice their frustration to someone. I did not much want to remain in China any more than Rosie did, but I realized that even if we wanted to go, we couldn’t just do it immediately and even if we just precipitated our withdrawal, it would be extremely difficult for us as undoubtedly they would make it extremely difficult for us to. I soon began to hate my grade IV classes—the students were not cooperative, unfriendly, and did not regularly come to the classes. I felt between a rock and a hard spot, and no one was letting me off the hook. To put icing on the cake, it turned out over the next few weeks that Julia was a chronic after hours fixture—though she helped us to buy our food, she didn’t provide me enough space and time to work on the syllabi for my classes. Within a couple of weeks, I feel fairly sick with a fever and a very deep cough, to the point that for a day I was laid up in bed.
I had keys to the bedroom on the other side of us as well, where Mr. Zhou had thought to let Mahala stay, and I began letting Julia to use this room to do her private study for the BEC exam that she was working for. She came to spend more and more time by herself in this room, and would increasingly demand my help after hours on her English studies. I found this somewhat annoying. Later, I let Apollo to share in use of the room, and he and her at first had quite a tiff over the room, with Julia putting up a bit of a tantrum like a little child. It seemed that she wanted the use of the room all to her self. Finally she relented, and they worked out a schedule of occupying the room every other day, with the extra weekend days being mostly for Julia. It was during this period too that Julia found a job tutoring for a family with a child on Sundays, and this left the room open for Apollo. I began getting angry with both of them when they left the room, particularly the bathroom, unclean and messy with their things hanging about. I had to lecture them more than once about it, and only Julia came around to my way of doing things and tidied up the room after herself. On the other hand, Apollo began to take over the room more and more, with his clothes and other personal toilet articles, to the point that he was sleeping there at nights even though I had instructed him not to.
@10:05a.m.
I had some crackers and a cup of Milo outside on the patio.
Julia took us downtown to a bigger store. I bought some canned meat. Maybe it will taste good. I plan to cook it up tonight. At the store there were packets of donkey meat being sold. Julia told me that the meat is good. She has eaten it before.
My mood has not changed at all.
Just came back from the morning market. We bought some eggs, vegetables and chickens. Hugh picked the chickens and the lady seller slaughtered and cleaned it up for us. The chickens are scrawny and it cost us US$3-00. The drumstick was about half the size of a regular drumstick. Not much breast meat. I came back and cleaned it up again and have it in the freezer. I might cook up the Chinese sausages I bought today.
We walked to the bookstores outside the school gate. There were not a lot of books in either stores. Hugh bought one book and an audiotape.
I have just taken 2 aspirins. I hope it will chase my headache away. Hugh has some a student with him. The topic of conversation between them is the President and Monica Lewinsky.
Yesterday two students gave Hugh a big bag of chestnuts. I gave 1/3 of the chestnuts to the lady who owns the shop in the lobby
Mahala is playing hopscotch with some of her little friends. The maids from the hotel joined in the game. It was funny watching a group of ladies in their thirties to mid-forties jumping around.
We have not seen Mr. Zhao for at least two days now. I am still sore at him for not being upfront with us.
I cooked up some eggs, sausages and noodles for dinner. It filled us up.
9-7-98
@8:55a.m.
Another day. I am still unhappy with this place.
Hugh told me that some students have been going behind his back complaining to the Dean about his comments in class.
Mahala has a cold. I heard her sniffling yesterday night. She has no temperature think she is tired and is missing her grandma. Mahala is like me. She keeps things to herself. She does not show her feelings. I feel bad for her. I just do not know how to make it better. I have a hard time controlling my emotions here. My sadness, anger and frustration come out everyday. I feel terrible that Mahala has to see all these emotions everyday.
I feel as a family all of us are under a microscope. I feel awkward when I leave the apartment because we get stared at. We cannot make any calls to Mom. We have to go through the campus telephone operators. I think our incoming mail is monitored.
Hugh has a class in another hour. He also has a class at 7:00p.m.
Hugh is not too happy with his Grade 4 classes. He tells me the students were all too cocky.
Mr. Zhao came over at 4:30pm. He informed me that the authorities in Xinyang has to get the all clear from Zhengzhou before we can be issued the permit to stay here. If permission is not granted from Zhengzhou then we will have to undergo another medical examination. I do not feel inclined to go through that all over again especially when we need to have our blood drawn. He really should have told us all of these before we came here. It really is annoying to have to find out all of these when you get here.
Julia also told us that the previous foreign teachers had to pay the hotel management a certain sum of money for staying in the hotel. Duncan paid 200yuan and Tim paid 300yuan a month. I know I am not paying and the Foreign Affairs better not ask me too. Otherwise its back to the States for us.
9-8-98
Rosie only gradually came around to the notion of sticking it out under the terms of our contract, and she gradually began preparing meals for us on a regular basis. One weekend about a month into our stay she finally agreed to go with me on Sunday morning by ourselves down to the market, and we managed to procure for ourselves enough vegetables and meat to last us a few days. This was the weekend that the students had off for the national independence day, and many students went home. Julia went to Beijing with several other students from the class, and did not come back for a couple of days until after school resumed, for which they were all reprimanded. It was doing this period that we walked out with a couple of other students, Louisa and May, to a place behind the girls dorm to buy food and eat. Keith from the other class introduced us to a restaurant there. This was the street where most of the students who had extra cash came to eat on a daily basis—it was a row of small restaurants combined with small shops catering mostly to the needs of the students and a few faculty. Thus it was that by the time Julia had returned, we had become sufficiently independent of her not to require her services of mediating the market and food shops for us. We found we could do it by ourselves, and once Rosie applied herself, she could interact quite well with the Chinese and understand the basic words enough to order our food.
During this time I had noticed as well that Julia was not doing her work for me in class as I had asked her, and was not interacting with any of the other students. In fact, she was deliberately coming in late after the bell to seat herself, something unheard of in a Chinese classroom, and she would not recite with others the work I asked them to do. I found her no more competent in her work than any of the other students, though she had led me to believe otherwise, and I found her work to be just above average. One day, while doing our reading, I found her studying her French lessons instead, and I became angry with her. I talked to her about it a couple of times and told her to shape up. I warned her but I don’t think she took me very seriously. This was her mistake.
@6:45a.m.
The loud music woke all of us up.
I found out that there is actually hot water and it comes on at 9:30pm.
Everyday we wake up with looks on our faces that says, "Are we still here?" I am complaining again as usual only because I want to leave this place.
The dinner we had yesterday was unappetizing. The meat was tough. All of us did not like the taste of it. Even Hugh. We finished the beans though. Julia offered to cook us a meal but we declined. I can cook but I need to be able to get a better supply of meat and vegetables and the right spices and ingredients. There is not a lot here besides soy sauce and pepper.
I just got over telling Mahala she does not have to do her schoolwork. She is not showing any interest. I realize that she needs to be in school with other children. This home schooling stuff is not working out too well. I am afraid I was really hard and harsh with her. I told her if she does not make an effort to study she will be left far behind in her studies when we get back to the States.
I am sitting outside on the patio. There seemed to be groups of 30 to 40 students out on the field. They are going through some sort of military drill. Men in military uniforms are coaching them. I wonder if they are the new students that came in yesterday.
Sitting here I feel so alone and sad. Loneliness I can handle. The sadness just stays. I feel hungry and dirty. Our day to day situation remains the same. I wish Hugh could have found a job in the States. All the traveling and moving every few years is taking a toll on me emotionally. I feel like giving up on life. Death would be a relief after all the bullshit in my life. I wish Hugh could see this. I truly feel sick and miserable. I want things to resolve itself pretty soon. All of us are suffering here. Mahala is involved in all this suffering. Hugh too though he keeps it well hidden. I feel like a prisoner. Hugh tells me to be objective about our situation here.
The drilling is still going on. The students have been out in the field for over an hour now. It is lunchtime and I hear music again. It is coming from the loudspeakers strung out across the campus. It is playing some a English songs. The volume is really loud and it gets annoying and irritating after a while.
Mahala looks downcast and unhappy. She looks bored. I bet that look is on my face too.
It is 8:35p.m. Hugh is at class. He won’t be back until 9:00p.m. Something stinks in this room. Mahala is covering her nose.
Mr. Zhao has not been back with any news regarding our medical examination. I am sure he will be here tomorrow.
Tonight I am going to wait until 9:30p.m. The hot water is supposed to come in then.
9-9-98
@9:10a.m.
I woke up feeling sad. This is a crappy life. I am slowly losing my optimistic outlook on life the longer I am here. I feel down most of the time and really feel like giving up on life. I won't do it because I am a coward and love my life too much. First time I have really thought of how to do it. There are no medications here so the next possibility is hanging. There are a couple of sturdy trees around campus that would do very well. I wonder if it will take long to kill oneself that way. I feel like my hold on life is slowly being eaten away by this place. The longer I am here the faster my life is ebbing away. I have told Hugh numerous times that I do not want to be here but he does not listen. He has to do what is best for the family but I think he is doing what is best for him. He is selfish that way. Not once has he listened to our opinions. He does what he pleases. I feel so angry with him for bringing us to China and making us so unhappy.
It makes me sick to my stomach. This morning I felt like shouting and screaming at him. There was no reason to do it. Yes there is, I was angry with him for bringing us here. Our relationship will never be the same again. When we go back to the States something will be missing. I do not know what. I cannot trust him again in his judgment. He has got to take us out of this mess if he wants to salvage the remainder of our marriage that is slowly but surely going bad here. Everytime I look at him I cannot help but think that he got us into this situation.
9-9-98
@10:00a.m.
I had a hot shower. Heated up the water in the electric kettle. Mahala is drawing. Her cold is still there. Both of us are in the doldrums.
Inside I am just a messed up bundle of emotions. I do not know whether I am coming or going. It is all related to this place. We should never come here. We should have left Rock Springs and settled somewhere else. But where? As long as Hugh cannot find a place or niche for himself we will always be moving every few years. It is taking a toll on Mahala and me. I hate it when everytime I settle in and get comfortable he wants to move. There is always something wrong with the place. When will he realize that life is not a bed of roses?
His mom has being nice. She has supported us all through our married life, financially and emotionally. I bet she is beginning to feel enough is enough. Sometimes I wish he would just go out and teach. Substitute teach? It cannot be as bad as being here. I think of leaving him a lot of times but I know Mahala will not be able to adjust to life in Malaysia. I feel a need to get away from this place. The thought preys on my mind especially when I am caught in an unpleasant situation like this. Hugh will never be able to understand all these. He probably thinks it is all ramblings. Not a day passes without me wanting to get away from this place.
I resent the fact that I had to give up everything to come here. Hugh gripes about what he has given up. He is not the only one. Each of us gave up something too. Mahala gave up friends and school and a sense of security that she had for two years. I gave up a job, my sense of identity, my friends, my possessions and a whole lot of little things that do not mean a lot to anyone but it meant a lot to me.
Sometimes I lie in bed and try to bloke out the bad part of being here hoping that it will make my time here pass that much quicker. Who am I kidding? It does not happen that way. I cannot make a phone call in private. I wish I can call Mom and talk to her. It would help me so much. On the other hand that will make me that more homesick.
There are some students here with Hugh. I do not know what is going on with them. I really do not care at this point. I just want to leave. I do not have a radio, no newspapers, and no television at least on that is working. I feel I am on a deserted island and the rest of the world is going by without me being a part of it. I hate feeling that way. I really feel lost. I need to know that I am part of the rest of the world. I feel so isolated.
I have made a big mistake by allowing Hugh to bring us here. When Zhao comes I need to tell him that I would like to leave with Mahala. Hugh can stay on if he prefers, but Zhao had better find a replacement in case Hugh wants to go too. If Hugh thinks our marriage is more important than he must leave with us. The choice is his. This is the worse I have ever felt in my life and I never want to feel this way ever again. I know Hugh has not informed the Foreign Affairs Office of his intention to leave at the end of this semester. He tells me he will. Maybe he is thinking I might change my mind and stay the whole year. I am not changing my mind. I cannot deal with being hungry all the time. I feel weak and sick since being here. There are no clinics here. I am withdrawing more as each day passes and I am not that kind of person. This place has driven me to a state of mind where I have turned into myself and regressed so far that I will not be able to snap out of it if I do not go back soon. That is no joke.
Hugh can think it is all in my mind. This is serious. I am not joking or kidding about my sanity. He is strongly misguided if he thinks it will all pass or go away soon. I will never be happy as long as I am here. And what is there to look forward to in the States?
It is about 5:15p.m. We just came back from town. Mr. Zhao took us to the police station to get our working papers. We do not have to go to Zhengzhou for our medical examination after all. We will have to pay the 200yuan each for the working papers. I guess it is better that having to go to Zhengzhou. We had to have photos taken. That costs 15yuan. I do not know whether to be glad or sad that we do not have to undergo the medical exam. Sad because that means we must stay here for the whole semester.
9-10-99
@8:00a.m.
I am having coffee and some green dried peas for breakfast. I washed and hung out to dry two loads of laundry that I did this morning. I resent more and more our living conditions.
Hugh left about 10 minutes ago for class. Mahala is still sleeping. Stayed up till 10p.m. yesterday hoping to get a hot bath. There was no hot water so we had to boil up some. The hotel management lets you have hot water whenever they feel like it. I just killed a big black spider on the floor. It looked menacing.
We just walked back from Hugh’s class. He wanted to show us where it was. Mahala is feeling down. She misses her Grandma.
Mr. Zhao came by this morning. I had my nightclothes on. He did not seem to notice. He chatted and told me a little of himself and his family. Zhao was being extra nice and was concerned about our well being. He stayed for over an hour.
Julia asked me if we would be here next semester. I told her No. My answer caught Hugh off guard. I really want to go by next semester.
There is an offensive smell in the rooms. So Mahala and I are going to go outside and sit in the garden for awhile.
9-11-98
@9:40a.m.
Mahala woke up feeling bad. She is crying and feeling sad. She is missing Grandma. She tells me she feels like a little dot. She is listless. I feel the same way too. I wish we were home.
Yesterday we walked to the local market and bought some vegetables. While there we saw a man in a cart being pushed by another man. The man in the cart was buying fishes. The man in the cart had no legs. On the way back we bought some rice.
We went with Hugh to his evening class and sat with him while he taught. The class was dirty. There was trash everywhere. The glasses on some of the windows were broken. The screens were torn. The walls were dirty. Mosquitoes were flying in and out of the torn screens. The girls in the class liked Mahala. They made her paper cranes and gave her little gifts of pendants and bookmakers.
Today we received Mom’s letter dated August 31. It was good and yet sad to hear from her. Mahala and I had a good cry while reading the letter. It was wonderful to hear about the latest news and especially about the book "Robidoux History". It feels good to know that someone out there cares about you and that you are loved and not alone.
I feel proud that Hugh has recognition at last for his work on the Robidoux. Mahala has been crying a lot today especially after reading Grandma’s letter. It really sent the message home to us on how much Mahala misses her Grandma.
Hugh has a group of about six students here doing an informal dialog session. The students do not get any extra credit. It is purely to improve their spoken English. Yesterday, was Teachers Day. His classes gave him a set of glasses and a photo album. That was nice of the students. Right now, Hugh is taping the students’ voices. He is going to play it back to them so they can hear how they sound like and in the process be able to correct their own mistakes.
We mailed a letter off to Grandma today around 1:30p.m.
Hugh and Mahala are playing cards. I am going to give Mahala a shower when the water boils. We had fish for dinner tonight. It was dace cooked in black beans.
9-12-98
@9:40a.m.
It was hot so all of us had a restless night. It was hot without the air conditioner and cold with it on.
There is an awful smell coming from the bathroom. It smells like urine. In the bathroom there is a pipe running from the ceiling to the floor. It is exposed and I think it is the main sewer line. It runs from the floors above us. At certain times of the day you cannot stand the stench and one must really leave the rooms and go outside. At night you hear running water coming down those pipes. It is annoying especially when your bedroom is next to the bathroom.
Yesterday night Julia came by and stayed for a long time. She and Hugh were talking. I heard my name and Mahala being mentioned a few times. I did not know what time she left. I asked Hugh about the conversation but he was pretty evasive about it. If it concerns Mahala and me, I want to know about it.
It is now around 1:05p.m. on a Saturday afternoon. Hugh has just accused me of influencing Mahala by my actions.
How can I pretend to hide my feelings? I am unhappy and it shows. When I feel or see a pleasant situation here than I will show my pleasure but till then I cannot hide my unhappiness. Hugh can pretend that the situation here will improve and everything is going along fine if he wants to but I can’t.
I sat with Mahala in the hotel lobby for about an hour in the evening. She had bought herself a plastic container filled with a sour kind of dried fruit. After finishing the fruit Mahala started playing with the empty container. It was about 6 inches long and cylindrical in shape. Mahala would put the cap on, squeezed the cylinder and the cap would pop out. She had fun doing that.
The daughter of the copy shop owner was there too. Her father was going to buy her some snacks and she was showing her happiness by jumping up and down. Her mother came up to her and smacked her right across her head with a rolled up book. She looked stunned and hurt when that happened. She did not cry out loud but I could see the tears in her eyes.
9-12-98
@9:00p.m.
Hugh read my journal. As expected he is angry at the things that I wrote. I am not making any excuses but those are my true feelings. He can be angry just as I can be angry. I wants to live like any other normal family. I do not need a lot of money, I need security. I do not want to move every other year. Why can’t we be happy like other people?
9-13-98
I had reached a point of desperation about our situation. I felt that Rosie was quite depressed and I needed to take drastic measures to snap her out of it. I decided to give her an ultimatum—to send her with Mahala back to the U.S. while I finished the terms of my contract here. I talked to Mr. Zhou confidentially outside about it, and he seemed almost happy to see Rosie depart without me, which perturbed even more. But my ploy seemed to work—after this point, after a few days of not talking to me, which was Rosie’s usual reaction to me in such times, she began to be more actively involved in her surroundings, and began changing her attitude.
@9:00a.m.
Hugh has decided that Mahala and I should go back to Grandma’s. Mahala is unhappy because she does not want to leave without Hugh.
It is now 10:10a.m. I just came back from a walk. Hugh came back first. Mahala and I followed later. It is humid. I feel resigned to the fact that if Mahala and I need to go back so be it.
Hugh will not be happy at Grandma’s anyway. He can only deal with so much at her house and with Los Angeles.
I do not know where this will place our relationship but it definitely will change it. It is for the best if we leave here even if it means Mahala will be unhappy. Hugh will manage better here than in Whittier. He has his classes, his students and a degree of prestige. If we are gone then more of his students will approach him than while his family is here.
This morning while I was sitting outside I saw a hammock break and a little girl fall out of it. She cried out loud and looked more startled than hurt. Her older sister carried her to another spot close by and started to comfort her.
9-13-98
@8:40p.m.
Mahala and I will give it a go until the end of this semester. I am sure when there will be days when I will feel unhappy and sad, but that is to be expected. Hugh and I are now on a different level of our relationship. I do not know where it will take us when we get back to the States. One thing I do know, we cannot be moving every other year or so. Why is life so difficult for us? What have we not done right? Must we live our lives like this forever?
I still do not know where we will get our source of protein. The chickens we bought are too scrawny so for now we will have to eat out off cans.
9-14-98
@10:45a.m.
It is the beginning of another week. Woke up because of the music coming from the speakers at 6:00a.m. If that was not enough there was a stench coming from the bathroom? It really is bad. You need to remove yourselves from the rooms and go outside until the smell is gone.
Hugh is gone and will not be back until noon. I have run out of powdered milk. I got her to work on her schoolwork. She is not too interested. So I lost my temper and told her to just go out and play until her mood improves. It is going to be difficult with her. I can see it already.
Mr. Zhou came by with a letter from Mom at 3:20p.m. It is good to hear from her. It took 10days for this letter to get here. That was by priority mail. Mahala is reading the funnies that were enclosed with the letter.
Mr. Xu came by in the evening and told us if we wanted to use the e-mail to just come to him. He will let us use his Internet service. He stayed until 8:00p.m. He wants us to go downtown with him during the weekend. He is going to show us where to find good food and where the premise is clean. During the conversation he told me that Mr. Zhou likes to drink a lot. My impression is that Mr. Zhao is a closet alcoholic.
9-15-98
@1:05p.m.
I wish someone would take a shot at that loudspeaker on top of this building. Every morning without fail at 6:00a.m. it wakes us all up. It rained today. Feels cool. It looks like evening outside.
Hugh has a class this evening. Right now we are all feeling very hungry. I will make up some fried rice tonight. I composed a letter to Grandma and hope to send it off in a few days.
This is the first time in 24 days that we have enjoyed our meal. We opened up a can of Spam and fried it up. Ate it with rice. Mahala is watching a cartoon on television and Hugh is talking to his student Apollo. I am sitting here in the room with my journal and my thoughts. I hope that my time here will go faster. I am still sad at times and want to go back,
The other night Hugh and I really talked openly about my feelings. That conversation has helped heal some of my sadness. I am still disappointed with the place and the situation we are in. There really is nothing here for Hugh besides teaching the students. We talk constantly about Grandma and the States. In spite of the faults of the U.S. I would still be there than here.
9-16-98
@7:55a.m.
The days are dragging. Mahala is lying in bed. She is such a sweetheart. I wish the semester were over with. I really do not like it here.
There was no hot water yesterday night so we had to boil some in the kettle. That was at 10:00p.m. We waited for half an hour for the hot water supply from the hotel but it never came.
I wish I can feel better about this place but I can’t. The shortcomings are so glaring and blatant. Even some of the students who come from different cities see it too. The classrooms are dirty. Windows are broken. There is no upkeep on the premises. Our rooms smell bad. Promises have not been kept to us about our living conditions. The lack of food is getting to us. Mahala has a drippy nose and sneezes constantly. I feel so much at a loss here. I really wish we could go.
Apollo comes and uses the other room everyday. There is no private life for the family. If it is not him than it is Julia who is here. I do not know who is worse. Both of them are. I think Julia takes more of Hugh’s time away from us than Apollo. She monopolizes his time when she comes. If Hugh lets them both of them will camp out here. I do not relish the thought of seeing them everyday, which is what has been happening since we arrived. I wish both of them would leave us alone. I am always expecting one of them to turn up at the doorstep. They just show up with no warning at all. Maybe Hugh should just give up the 3rd room. That way Apollo and Julia will not come at all. Hugh lets both of them use the 3rd room for studying. Julia should make an appointment if she wants Hugh to help her with her English BEC. She should not just turn up when she wants too. There are no private moments when we can be by ourselves as a family.
Now I know why the previous teachers discourage the students from coming. For the same exact reason we are going through now. The students will not leave you alone if you let them .I know Hugh finds it difficult to say No to them. The last American teacher only taught 16 hours a week. I wonder how many hours Hugh works in a week? I am pretty sure it is more than 16 hours and besides that he volunteers extra lessons. The school is not paying him any extra for those hours. I feel resentful that Hugh puts in so many hours with the students. He even goes back in the evening to give them extra tutoring.
9-17-98
@8:45a.m.
Hugh is at his Grade 4 class teaching Newspaper English. Mahala must be tired. She is still lying down. Yesterday I steamed up some frozen dumplings for lunch. She really enjoyed that and ate pretty hearty. I am glad. Lately she is looking too skinny. All of us have lost weight.
Hugh has a group of students coming in later for a conversation practice. The group usually stays for 11/2 hours to 2 hours.
I am still feeling the same maybe more resigned to the fact that nothing here is going to change drastically. We still miss the States very much.
Mr. Zhao came yesterday and gave us our green identity cards together with a receipt for 600yuan. We are supposed to surrender the cards to the authorities when we leave the country. Hopefully it will not be too long.
9-17-98
@1:25p.m.
We just had lunch. The usual stuff. Hugh came back around 9:45a.m. He was disgusted with his English Literature class. The students are not really interested in the lessons. He is going out in a little while for his 2nd English literature class. I do not think this class will be any different. Both are Grade 4 classes. The attitude of the class is bothering him and I can tell his patience is wearing thin.
Mahala has been feeling pretty sad these last couple of days. It is still not too late to return to the States if only Hugh would go too. We are sick and tired of this place and are not benefiting from being here.
9-18-98
@8:30a.m.
How long have we been here? About 27 days. It is too long. The bathroom stinks especially bad this morning. I cannot even go in to wash my clothes. It has the smell of strong urine. We have to make a run to the shops again to restock our food supplies. I wish we did not have to go downtown to do it. The shopkeepers around the school do not carry any canned foods.
Mahala is sleeping. I love her so much. She is such a joy in my life. I wish I could give her more.
We sat in on Hugh’s class today. We came back around 11:30a.m. We then walked to the school canteen and bought ourselves some snacks. Two female students from Hugh’s Grade 3 class paid for the food.
Then we had a guy on the sidewalk make us some extra keys. He had a little stall set outside the canteen. He made the keys manually. Then at 1:00p.m. Hugh had some students come in for conversation. After that we went downtown to buy some food. Hope the supplies last longer this time.
We also received a fax from the American Embassy from Beijing with the necessary registration forms. Mom must have received our first letter by now. Thank goodness.
I have observed that a lot of the students, male and female, like to hold hands wherever they are and whatever they are doing. They sit close together and play with each other’s fingers. They have a special bond between themselves.
We bought some local cakes and pastries from the bakery outside the school.
It is around 7:00p.m. We have just had an exciting time trying to get rid of a mouse. We had opened a drawer in the closet and saw a little mouse in there. We must have startled it because it took off running. We chased it and it went into the bathroom. We managed to chase it out through the doors into the garden area. We tried to whack it with a broom but it was too fast for us. Hugh had to clean out the drawer because the mouse had been using it as a nest. There was chewed up papers and droppings in it. What it a mess. We had to mop the whole floor after that.
It never fails to amaze me. We also killed a centipede today. Since we arrived we have killed six of those nasty creatures. One huge adventure after another or rather disappointment.
The students are out in the field tonight. They are all singing up a storm.
9-19-98
@10:20a.m.
It is smelling bad this morning. It is coming from the bathroom as usual. Earlier on this morning around 2 or 3. I woke up because of a noise. Hugh got up too. We figured that a mouse had tried to get out of the bathroom into the hallway outside through a ventilation cover. In the process the mouse knocked the cover off the ventilation vent.
After that Hugh woke up numerous times because he kept hearing the mouse trying to get out still.
This morning I tried to replace my hot water bottles from the front desk. All the flasks were half full and the water was cold. So I decided to boil up my own water with our electric kettle. I wish I could go home.
I wonder what today has in store for us. I look forward to the day when we can leave.
It is evening. Mr. Zhao came by with a microwave oven. He told us that his office had purchased it for us. It was nice but we wish he had not done it. He was very happy with the purchase. His wife came after him bringing their little son Ah Mor. They stayed for an hour or so, just making polite conversation.
After they left we had dinner. It consisted of rice, noodles and some Chinese "lap cheong" and fried eggs. I long for a change of diet. Maybe mom will send us some food. That will be good.
Tonight Hugh has set out a trap for our Mr. Rat. Hopefully we can snare it tonight and get a good nights sleep in the process.
Mahala is on the computer and enjoying herself.
I wish the days would go much faster so that we can be out of here.
9-20-98
@7:40a.m.
I woke up real early this morning around 6:30a.m because of the stench. After that I could not go back to sleep. Someone is out in the field playing their radio really loud. There is water coming down from the ceiling in the bathroom. It is dripping into the bathtub and sink.
I have been making everyone who comes to visit take off his or her shoes because it is dirty outside. A couple of days ago a male student by the name of Norris came to visit. He asked me if he should remove his shoes and I told him yes. He refused because "the Chinese do not remove their shoes". I explained to him that my floors are clean and he can walk on them with his socks on. He still refused. I then told him that if he visited Japan then he would have to do it. It is their custom. I should have said more but then it would be rude of me. So he stood in the hallway talking to Hugh. Fine by me.
I also think Apollo is making himself too much at home. Yesterday he had Hugh boil water for him not once but twice. The first time the water got cool because he kept talking to Hugh. So Hugh had to reheat it up and then Apollo took a hot shower with it. Then he came back into our room, picked up my hairbrush and started using it. He never even asked. He proceeded to make himself a cup of coffee. I am going to hide my coffee. It is too expensive to share.
Damn I wish the music would stop.
9-20-98
@10:20a.m.
We just had company. Mrs. Too and her daughter Zhao Li came to pay us a visit. Mrs. Too spoke some English. She works with Mr. Zhao in the Foreign Affairs Office. The object of the visit. So that Zhao Li can pick up English from playing with Mahala. Zhao Li is 10 years old. Zhao Li goes to The Little Star English School on the weekends to learn English. After much persuasion from her mother Zhao Li recited a short play for us. It was called Snow White. You could tell that it was just rote memorization. Little Star is a private school and mainly the staff teaches rudimentary English to elementary school children. Mrs. Too told us that Zhao Li goes to school five days a week. She leaves around 7:10a.m., comes home for lunch around 12:30 noon, goes back to school again at 2:30p.m. Zhao Li comes home around 7:00p.m. every night. It is a long day and they have lots of homework each day.
Hugh is composing a letter off to Drs. Benfer and Furbee.
.
For dinner we had beans, french fries and fried chicken. Our first wholesome protein. The chicken was tough, must be old like blazes. Tasted like leather and chewy. We paid 28yuan for the old buzzard. Julia had dinner with us.
We made a little bonfire and burnt dried leaves and twigs. We also killed our seventh centipede. It was crawling around the ground. At first we thought it was a baby snake but Hugh said centipede. We pushed it towards the fire to burn it. Then we mopped up the rooms. The leaks coming from the ceiling in the bathroom is getting bad.
At 7:30p.m. three little girls came knocking at our door. One of them was Zhao Li. The other two were her friends. The other two girls were ages 9 and 14. They brought with them Zhao Li’s Chinese’s Barbies. They also gave Mahala a packet of markers which I later found out was dried out. The three girls did not speak much English. It was interesting conversing with them. They mostly played without talking.
9-21-98
@8:00a.m.
It is now exactly 30 days since we arrived in China. We are still hungry. Since the day of our arrival in Xinyang we have eaten exactly 1 can of Spam, 1 can of dace(fish) and 2 scrawny chickens. Yesterday I fried up a decent sized chicken but the meat was tough. The chickens must be old. Our protein intake must have plummeted to way below our normal intake. We are just not eating enough meat and our body is probably using up our fat reserves. Pretty soon our muscles will start getting flabby.
The new students are still going through the military drill. Every freshmen has to go through 2 weeks of this before they begin their classes. Of course we still get up at 6:00a.m. every morning. You cannot even sleep in. The music gets everyone up.
Hugh is getting frustrated with the school. This morning he told me that he is not allowed into the library unless accompanied by Mr. Liu of the English department.
We need to fax off the letters to the Embassy today. It is important that we do that. We checked for leaks in the bathroom this morning. There were none.
It is chilly this morning. Mahala is in bed. I have to do my laundry but is finding it difficult to start.
Maybe I will start a phraseology book today. I need a notebook from Hugh.
I have just sent Mahala to the bedroom. Everytime I ask her to do her schoolwork she shows lack of enthusiasm. It is hard to teach someone if they feel that way. It happens all the time I ask her to start her schoolwork. I think she should go back and be with Grandma. She had better shape up or I will take her back.
This place depresses me as much as it depresses Mahala. She is sad. So am I. I wish Hugh would decide to go back. This place is not for us. Our family is falling apart. Mahala tells me she is unhappy everyday. I am sick and tired of being here. I cannot pretend to be happy.
It has been a depressing day for me. It is now in the evening about 5:15p.m. The days are not going by fast enough for me. I wish I was in a time machine. I could manipulate the dates and presto I am in the future and all this is behind me. It would be good for my sanity. I am so unhappy here. This is not my place and I do not feel comfortable at all. I never will even if our living situation improves. My bad feelings towards this place will never change matter what happens. I wish I had Mom to talk to. She could give me some good sane advice. A woman to woman talk. That is what I need now.
I waited for 25 minutes for hot water that never came. The only goddamn thing I look forward to at the end of each day is to have a nice hot bath. Do I find it? Not! I get angry and I am trying to keep it in check. But I am afraid one day it will burst then watch out.
I do not even have the pleasure of confronting the manager of this establishment with the lack of hot water because I do not speak Chinese and he does not understand English. Shit! Everyday I grow to hate this place a little more. How long before we leave here? How long before I lose my mind? My patience is growing thin. This business of having hot water one day and none the next is unbearable. I have cussed and sworn more here than I have ever had in the States. Bottom line is I am unhappy here. I want to go back.
At the beginning Hugh told us that he would go back with us if that is what we want, but now, its like you and Mahala go back. He needs to see his students through the semester. I feel he is putting the welfare of his students before us.
9-22-98
@9:15a.m.
I did not feel like getting up from bed this morning. We woke up around 3 or 4a.m. Hugh heard a mouse or a small rat run under the bed. He was trying to get the rodent with his baseball bat that he brought with him. At least the bat came in handy as a weapon. As soon as we switched off the lights we heard it. This time it was in the living room. Hugh kept trying to kill the rodent but had no luck. What a start to the new day? Nothing here surprises us anymore.
Hugh had told me this. A male student in class leaned his head on his arms. His arms were lying on the table. The said student then spit on the floor. The student then used his feet to maneuver a piece of paper that was on the floor over to the spittle. He used the paper to cover the spit. That was too dirty.
I cannot understand why the Chinese behave that way. They have an ancient civilization that goes back thousands of years and yet they cannot learn some basic hygiene. Sadly public spitting was not on the list of civilized learnings.
It is a little past lunch-time. I walked to the canteen and bought us some fried noodles. It was cold to taste. Mahala and I had a couple of bites and Hugh had a plate. I cannot eat it. It needs to be reheated otherwise it tastes awful.
I learned some Chinese phrases today, the most important one being Tua Shao Chien? How much does it cost?
We have just finished our dinner. We opened up a can of dace, fried up some eggs and long beans. Mahala seemed to enjoy the dace and Hugh did not seem to have much of an appetite because he was not feeling well. I did not eat too much because the food was bland. How I wish for some real food.
Hugh seems tired and is lying down. He has to go to another class this evening at 7:00p.m. I wish he did not have to go.
Julia just told me that one of the stalls in the canteen uses chicken skin to season their cooked vegetables. How gross! The stall uses chicken skin instead of lard because they sell their food to the Muslim students. Pork lard is taboo to the Muslims. It is probably the only stall in the whole canteen that does not use lard in their cooking.
This morning we finally faxed off our registration forms to the Embassy. Mr. Xu helped us with it. I hope that it will get through all right and confirm the receipt of the documents. Maybe they will come to take us home. Yea, right.
9-23-98
@ 9:50a.m.
Hugh has a really bad cough. He has been coughing through the night and it gets him up. I hear him breathing hard after a bad bout of coughing. I worry about him and Mahala constantly. This place is a breeding ground for germs. I told him to stay back today and rest. He will not listen as usual. He will gradually lose his voice if he keeps on teaching today.
We heard the mouse/rat again. This time it has been getting into the packets of peanuts that we bought. I just hope that Mahala and Hugh have not been eating the same peanuts too.
I soaked my whites with a bottle of bleach that I had bought downtown the other day. Well, my whites have yellow stains on all of them. How frustrating! Nothing ever works out the way you want it to. There is always a bad smell hanging around our rooms; there are bugs, insects and rodents living with us; the water is not safe to drink and in the mornings when you turn on the tap the water runs brown in color.
I hope that Hugh will decide to go home during the Christmas holidays. It is so dirty and unhygienic here. I am afraid that if we are here any longer we might pick up some kind of illness and the chances increases everyday. Hugh is sick already. I hope he can see that this place is not worth it and just decide to go home and not wait until the whole family falls ill. It will be too late then.
I had hoped that he would put in his resignation. I do not know why we are here anymore. Everyday the situation deteriorates and does not get any better. Some of the students use us and I hope Hugh sees through them.
The rats chew and gnaw at everything. The drawers in the cupboard have holes in them. I do not put any clothes in them. I have all our clothes on the top of the shelves where I can see them.
We have a single bed for Mahala. The problem with it is the hard board on it. We only have two thin mattress or rather thin quilts that we place over the board. It does not help. All of us have taken turns sleeping on the bed. It is really hard on the body. The next morning your whole body aches. The hotel management was supposed to find us a mattress for the bed but till today I have not seen any.
Hugh is late. He was supposed to come back at 10:00a.m.
I walked out to look at my clothes hanging outside. Hugh’s shirts have pink and purple stains on them. I do not know what happened and it is bugging me.
All the wall outlets have their electrical wires exposed. It really is dangerous. Everytime we plug in any appliance especially the electric kettle sparks fly. I have warned Mahala about them.
9-23-98
It is sometime in the afternoon. My second period came today. I have lost track of the day. I am just as unhappy as the first day. I hate having to eat noodles and rice everyday.
9-24-98
@10:40a.m.
Hugh is feeling better today. His fever broke early this morning. Mahala has not eaten at all since this morning. All she had was 2 packets of prawn crackers. I worry about her diet. She is not eating the right food.
Julia came by and finished off the spam we fried up. She told us that the meat was better than the pork in the canteen.
Maybe it is just here in Xinyang that things are bad. I do not know. All I know is I do not like it here. I am sure some places in China are not this bad.
Mahala and I cannot hold out much longer. I do not know about Hugh. Everyday it takes more effort on our part to just survive here. On some days I just feel like not even getting up from bed.
9-25-98
@9:40a.m.
I had to get up with the music at 6 in the morning. I heard cussing on the other side of the bed. The music was loud.
Later in the morning I washed up some clothes. It was drizzling and I had to hang the clothes under the eaves.
We went downtown to change some American dollars. The exchange rate was US$100=802yuan. With the money we bought more supplies. There was a market across from the bank. Also bought some baked items.
We always feel hungry here. Food is always on our mind. That is because we are always hungry. It is frustrating. I want to fly home. I dreamt about 2 American bald eagles flying in the sky.
I have had heavy bleeding the last couple of days. First time I have experienced this.
It is evening now. The rat is still around. Somehow or other it is getting into the rooms. We have not found out where yet.
It is getting cooler as the day ends. Hugh is trying to work on the electrical. I hate having him to do it. It is dangerous. There are no plates over the exposed outlets. There is always a chance of getting electrocuted if you should accidentally touch the wires. There are no safety codes here. The only light bulb in the bathroom is just hanging on by its electrical wire, which is exposed.
Mahala just told me that she is hungry. I feel so angry that there is nothing here to give to her. I cannot buy any good food for her. I cannot find decent meat just rice, noodles and steamed buns. It is amazing we have survived so far on so little nutritious food. I do not know how we do it. It’s a wonder we have not passed out from hunger. I cannot cook any decent meal because I cannot find any decent meat. Tonight it will have to be boiled eggs accompanied with the leftover rice and beans.
Mr. Xu came by with a big box of pears. It is from the Foreign Affairs Office to celebrate the Autumn Festival and China’s National Day, which falls on October 1st. Mahala ate one and Julia had one too.
9-26-98
Today is exactly 30 days since we arrived in Xinyang and 34 days since we arrived in China. Our condition remains the same. Our diet is lousy. We feel sad and miss the comforts of a decent home. We miss family especially Grandma.
Hugh and I have not really talked with each other since being here. We mostly argue a lot, mostly over the most trivial of things. It is stressing both of us. Mahala made a comment today "Daddy cares about his students more." All I know is that my feelings remain basically the same. I have okay days and I have really depressing sad days. I feel like I am on a roller coaster sometimes going up and sometimes down. I wish I had letters to read and someone to talk to.
I guess I am not cut out to be an anthropologist’s wife. I could never make it in the field. I need my creature comforts. I think the real issue that bugs me here is the lack of quality food. Even the cooked food that we buy is tasteless and bland. It is not quite the Chinese food we expected. It is the same old food day in and day out. There are no real seasonings to speak off.
The freshmen have been out in the field for at least 3 weeks now. From early mornings till evenings with breaks for lunch. They are doing their mandatory military training. Since 1996 all new students are required to go through this type of training. They are made to march, sing patriotic songs, run and exercise all day. Sometimes at night I can hear some of them in the fields singing. Yesterday it rained for much of the day but the students were out there still.
Our unwelcome visitor Mr. Rat is still in the rooms. So far we have been unsuccessful in trying to capture it. We see evidence of his presence every morning when we get up. The bathroom still smells.
I have not washed the pillow cases and the bed sheets since we arrived. I cannot make myself wash it in the bath tub. It is hard to wash when you are standing in such an awkward position leaning over the tub to scrub your dirty laundry. I feel like I am being a slob since being here.
This has been my most unhappiest time since I have been married to Hugh.
A group of Hugh’s students came by in the afternoon. There is a student by the name of Keith. He is so effeminate in nature. He likes to cook too. I noticed him holding the hands of his fellow male students and playing with their fingers. He told me that he is a good cook. Fine maybe one day you will come and cook for me. He said he would.
I opened up a can of dace for Mahala. She seemed to have regained her appetite back.
Tonight at 9:30p.m. we finally had hot water. All of us took a real hot shower and washed our hair. It’s the only thing I look forward to at the end of every day. When we do have hot water it makes me that much more sadder, angrier and more frustrated. And always at the end of the day before we fall asleep I wonder how many more days like today.
9-27-98
@9:20a.m.
Someone knocked on our door at 8:50am. this morning. All of us were still asleep. It was Ah Mor with a few of his friends. After telling him that Mahala was still asleep he left. I had to use the bathroom and tried the light switch. There was no power. This is the 2nd time it has happened in the month since we have been here. I do not know how long the power will be out.
Julia bought us a roasted chicken from town, so we shared dinner with her. We had French fries and rice with the chicken she bought. After dinner she told us a few things about the school.
Julia informed us that the school only has toilet facilities in the dormitory. There are no shower facilities in the dorm. The shower rooms are opened twice a week on Friday and Saturday. It stays open from 1:00pm to 5:00p.m. The girls use the showers on those two days. The boys have different days. The students pay 1yuan each for using the showers.
During the winter semester the schedule changes. The showers are always crowded. It is shoulder to shoulder room in there. I cannot imagine showering like that. I asked Julia why does the school not open up the showers everyday. According to her the school feels it will be wasting hot water that way. This shocks me.
Students are allowed one flask of hot water a day. If they need another flask then the students have to pay 1yuan for every subsequent flask. If they receive phone calls in the dorm they have to pay 1yuan for service charge. They are 8 students to one room. There are 4 double bunk beds. There is a long table in each room between the bunks. There are no closets or drawers. The students keep their clothes and personal belongings in their suitcases. There is a shelf above the door and the students keep their empty bags up there.
The electricity is turned off at 10:30p.m. and the doors are locked at 11:00p.m. In the winter months the schedule changes again. Sometimes the teachers make spot checks on the girls in the dorm to see if they are in bed.
Most of the students do not study in the dorm. They either study in their classes or go to the public classrooms. In winter when it is cold the students huddle together in the class for warmth and do their studying that way. Sometimes they stay under their blankets in the dorm to keep warm and study that way.
The freshmen are still out there. This must be the 3rd or 4th week in a row that they have been doing their military training. There is a man in uniform shouting at them. The students shout back. Is this supposed to be a school or a military training school? The freshmen out in the field wear uniforms. It is white and blue in color. Everyday they sing, chant and march. They sing about how they will defend the country and school. They do it everyday rain or shine. Can you imagine standing out there in the hot sun and perspiring and yet at the end of the day you cannot even take a shower at all.
The two girls who came with Zhao Li last Sunday night came tonight. I finally got their names. Li Na and Zhao Wan. They came at 8:00p.m. They brought a gift for Mahala. It was a ceramic cat. They also made some flowers and bracelet from drinking straws. Zhao Wan’s aunt came with them. She understood a little English. Mostly the children drew pictures.
At 9:25p.m. we ran the water into the tub hoping to get a hot bath. We ran the water for 15 minutes but still no hot water. Finally I asked Julia who was in the next room studying to walk down with me to the front desk. I had her translate for me. The lady on duty told me that the hotel provides hot water only when there are guests. Otherwise they do not heat up the water because the presence of hot water in the pipes will damage the pipes because there will not be anyone using the hot water.
Hugh calls this lady "None of my business lady". I will have to ask the hotel manager if this is true when I see him next. His name is Mr. Yang.
So we had t boil up 3 kettles of hot water to clean up with tonight. It was terribly frustrating.
9-28-98
@8:a.m.
It is the start of another workweek. What surprises are we in for today. I am sure there will be some. The rat/mouse is still with us. We have not been able to get rid of it as yet. We bought ourselves a plastic bucket with a lid. We put all our cookies and crackers into it. That way our little visitor cannot get to it.
It is going to be the National Day weekend. Some of the students will be going home. Apollo will be gone. Hugh will not have any classes after Wednesday. I wonder if we can call Mom. Hugh hesitates because it is expensive calling the States by phone.
Yesterday I bought some fish at the market and I am going to fry them up for dinner this evening. I think the gas in the tank is getting low.
As Hugh was walking back from class he passed a group of students in the field. One of them shouted at him "Hey man! You come over here". He said that twice. On the 2nd call Hugh walked over to them and asked "Which one of you said that?" All of them were to scared to look at Hugh. They looked away or at the ground. Hugh walked away mad.
At 2:00p.m. Zola, a Grade 4 student came by. She had come earlier but Hugh was not home yet. She had with her then 3 sets of speeches from 3 students. There were no names on the papers. As she was writing down a message for Hugh, he came in. Hugh asked her to have the 3 students come in individually with their papers or to have their English teacher personally come to Hugh with her request to have the papers corrected.
This afternoon as I was burning trash outside in the garden I happened to look up. I saw a blond haired baby with a Caucasian woman. I walked over and stood under their balcony and said Hello to the mother. The woman’s name is Susan and she used to teach English at this school 10 years ago. I extended an invitation to her and her husband and son to come down and visit us. She said she would. Hugh’s student came to visit us at 3:00p.m. A little while later Susan, her husband Dennis and their 1-year-old son Dale came too. The couple lives in Beijing and is affiliated with the Summer Institute of Linguistic. Hugh tells me later that, this agency is a front for the Central Intelligence Agency.
It felt good to carry on a conversation in English. They visited for about 15 to 20 minutes then they left because their little boy was getting restless and also they had to get ready to visit a friend.
The gas ran out so I had to boil the eggs in our rice cooker. Mahala felt bad for awhile but she got over it. We bought her a chocolate ice cream and she felt better.
A Chinese teacher came over in the evening with some papers. She wanted Hugh to correct them. She explained to Hugh that the papers were speeches in English that her students had written. It was for a speech competition. It was the same papers that Zola had brought this morning.
9-29-98
@9:00a.m.
Julia came knocking at our door at 7:30a.m. this morning. She has decided to go to Beijing to look into the graduate programs that the schools have to offer over there. While there she is also going to visit some friends who are in the Beijing University. She will be gone for a week. She came by because she wanted to borrow our camera, which I did loan her. I hope that she is careful with it. She also borrowed a backpack from us. Since I had a box of pears I gave her 10 for the trip.
Mahala is feeling down and is missing her Grandma. She looks so skinny. I feel sad about that.
Hugh told me that we will be leaving at the end of this semester. I hope so. I cannot stand this place. It gets harder as the days go by so slowly.
We look forward to Grandma’s letters to keep us going.
In the later part of the morning a man delivered our new gas tank. That means I will be able to cook tonight.
We also received a letter from mom, which was dated 9-18-98 today. We are always happy when we receive any news from her. I hope she has received our letter to her too.
It is close to bedtime now.
I had a chance to talk to Susan and Dennis before they left Xinyang. They had visited a friend of Susan’s yesterday in the evening. This friend’s husband worked on a military base somewhere in town. The friend then took them onto the base. While there the friend took pictures of Susan and her family. The guards came along and detained them then demanded that they hand over the camera and film. They had to call Mr. Zhao to the base and he had to do a lot of explaining before the couple was released. The film was confiscated.
Susan also told me that Peking had more to offer in terms of better living conditions and food. They have all the conveniences and more. Since being here she has realized that Xinyang is basically still a small town. While she was here 10 years ago she had 2 other teachers for company. A fellow American and a Singaporean. They were all young just fresh out off college. They did not finish the year here because of the TienNaMen Square episode. The American Embassy told them to leave but the school would not allow them to go. The school was officially still in session but the students were not attending lessons. The students here were boycotting classes and a lot of them had gone to Beijing. Finally approval was given for them to leave but only after the school had gone through the chain of command from Xinyang to Zhengzhou to Beijing. Susan also told me that buying train tickets in China was difficult. You have to know people especially the ticket masters. Tickets for good seats are only sold through knowing the Officials. That’s where the Foreign Office staff earns their salary. They have the connections, knowing people who know people. By offering cigarettes and buying gifts you can get tickets. There is no such thing as booking in advance. You have to get your tickets on the day you plan to take the trip unless you know people who buy the tickets for you.
I hope we do not have a hard time buying tickets when we leave here.
I told Susan about our living conditions. She felt the same way when she first got here. The three ladies had a hard time adjusting to the food and the hot water situation. The school canteen cooked food for them. The people who did the cooking for them must have heard about Americans liking sweets because they would always sprinkle sugar on their cooked food. So the girls finally decided to cook for themselves.
The room where Susan is living in now has exposed wires too. So the husband has to push the chairs against the exposed wires so the baby will not touch it. I forgot to ask if the toilet flushes.
9-30-98
@9:30a.m.
Today is the last day for Hugh before the holidays start. The students that bother him the most are gone being Julia and Apollo. One is at Beijing and the other to Kaifeng. They will not be back until next week. We will have a respite from both of them.
The American couple and their baby are gone too. So for the next week it will only be just Hugh, Mahala and myself.
Today is the first morning after many weeks that the freshmen is not out in the field practicing their military drill. So it is rather quiet. They had their passing out parade yesterday in the afternoon.
Some students informed me that every weekday at 6 in the morning they have to get up with the music and get ready for their morning exercises. The students have about 15 minutes from the time they wake to make it to the field outside our lodgings. They do their exercises to the music coming from the speakers. It is mandatory for them. The teachers appoint some students to take roll call. If they miss their exercises 3 times in a row they are issued warnings. If they still continue missing the exercises then they have certain privileges taken away e.g. their scholarships are taken away. Sometimes the students have their names written on the school sign boards as those that have not been participating in the exercises. That is supposed to shame them. The only time when they don’t have to do the exercises is on rainy and snowy days. In winter they still have to get up and do it. No excuses because the weather is cold.
Hugh came back at 10:00a.m. He had a caterpillar for Mahala. As he was walking back he heard a motorbike honking at him from behind. He moved over for the bike but the driver kept on honking. He stopped in his tracks, looked around to confront the driver of the vehicle. "What is your problem?" he asked. There was a whole family on the bike. It was carrying a man, woman and two children.
Mr. Xu came by in the afternoon with 2 letters from Grandma. There is also a package. When he comes back from lunch he will pick it up from the main post office that is located downtown.
I read the letters to Mahala as soon as Mr. Xu left. I cried as I read those letters and Mahala started to cry too. Both of us were feeling homesick We were just sobbing our eyes out. It was good to have news from her. In her letter she told us that she would try to send off a letter every week. That is good because it means we will have something to look forward too. I do enjoy reading her letters. Hugh has even admitted that he misses Grandma.
An hour after that Louisa and May came by. They sat and talked with us outside in the garden. They mentioned the fact that there is some food stalls behind the girls’ dorm. So Mahala and I walked out with them to this place.
The place is just outside the school gate. There are rows of shops there selling cooked food. The girls showed me a shop that they frequented and which is halfway clean. So I ordered 2 packets of fried noodles to go. Coming back the same way, in front of the girl’s dorm, I saw a man selling some hand painted calligraphy. Mahala wanted to buy them for Grandma, Sue and Kathy. The young man wrote these names down in Chinese and added some pretty flowers, butterflies and plants to the paper. It was painted in three vibrant colors: red, green and yellow. We hope to be able to send it off to them as Christmas gifts. I thought I might save enough of those toilet rolls, then tape the rolls together to make a tube and send the paintings off in those.
I also bought some bananas for Mahala. With the girls helping me do the buying I did not get scalped as I usually do. That was good.
When we got back, Hugh was taking a nap. He is tired.
It is about 6:50p.m. Mahala is writing a letter to her Grandma. She is missing her.
Tonight we have no hot water again. I do not understand this system at all. When Mr. Zhao tells us 9:30 every night you get hot water then you expect it. The other night when that happened, the lady behind the desk told us this. No guests, no hot water because the hot water will cost the pipes to burst. Well tonight I walked down to the front desk with dictionary in hand and showed her the words for hot water. She understood what I was trying to say. She looked at the clock on the wall and said to me "tan e sia" meaning wait a while. The time then was 9:50p.m. So I walked back to our rooms.
Five minutes later still no hot water. I walked back down to the lobby again. This time the lady was on the phone. She saw me and nodded her head. I do not know what that meant but there was no hot water. Finally Hugh told me to give up waiting and he boiled up 3 kettles of water to clean ourselves with. Hugh has told me that the possibility of getting hot water every night is slim to none. I just got out off the tub. The hot water finally came, an hour late. Hugh is in the tub now having a hot shower.
10-1-98
@10:10a.m.
It was nice to sleep in today. The music did not come on at 6 in the morning because today is a holiday, China’s National Day. Hugh woke up at 8:30a.m. This morning he has to make up some questions to ask the contestants for a speech contest that the English department is holding. He is not too keen on doing that. He is beginning to find out that it is not challenging here anymore. No one has taken any interest about his degree or his research interests. All they really want is just a person to teach English.
Chris, a Grade 4 student had this to say to Hugh. Intellectuals are not respected here. During Chairman Mao’s time, intellectuals were asked to send in their opinions and criticisms on the state of China’s economy. The economists and intellectuals that were asked these questions thinking nothing about it gave suggestions on how the economy could be improved and how to do it. The next thing that happened was all these people were being picked up and detained for criticizing the government. Some were executed and some languished in prison for many years.
We walked out in the afternoon to buy some fried noodles. I showed Hugh the food shops behind the school.
On the way back Hugh decided to take another route. The route took us through unfamiliar places and winding back streets. That made Mahala and I very nervous. It took us longer to get back to our lodgings. He got angry at Mahala because she wanted to walk back on the familiar path. Sometimes he is impossible to understand. He will not listen to us. All we wanted was to buy the food and get back to the hotel. But he wanted to make an adventure out off the whole thing. So now I am mad at him for getting mad at us.
After eating the food we bought a woman came by to the apartment with a box from Grandma. We unpacked the box and it was mostly food. Thank goodness. Mahala and Hugh enjoyed the jerky, the milano and peanut butter cookies. Hugh and I enjoyed the coffee. Sure tastes good after the Nescafe we have been drinking.
It has been a quiet day. Most of the students are gone for the holidays. It was enjoyable having the day to ourselves without any students knocking at our door. If only we had good food it would make it all that much better.
I finished my 3-page letter to Grandma and will try to mail it tomorrow. I hope the school post office is open.
It is the nights that are the worst time for me. We sit around and look at each other. We are hungry and there is nothing to eat. Mahala wants to talk to her grandma but we cannot do it because it is too expensive to call. It would make Mahala feel better but the money thing is a big issue. She cries and asks if we will ever get to talk to Grandma at all. I tell her as long as we are here it will have to be no. She usually asks me because she knows Hugh gets mad at her for asking the same question all the time. It is frustrating for me to tell her no. I feel terrible to have to say it to her. She does not quite understand clearly why not. There are phones around yet we cannot call Grandma. Everything has to go through the school. We cannot send e-mail, fax or call Mom without having to go through them. We are so isolated here it is unbelievable.
I am boiling up some eggs for dinner. Nothing much else to eat besides that. We had a real nice hot shower tonight. We washed our hair and cleaned up. I feel much cleaner. I hope that tomorrow will go by faster than today and that we will have something better to eat than what we had today.
10-2-98
@10:55a.m.
We woke up late around 9:00a.m. For breakfast we ate the Milano cookies. Hugh and I had Folgers coffee and Mahala had her Tang. Hugh and Mahala also shared some of the beef jerky.
Hugh was saying that we might have to stay the whole year because leaving early would mean we would have to be longer at Mom’s house and traveling during the winter would be difficult. My feelings took a nose-dive then. I can understand all the reasons for him wanting to stay longer here and more but on the other hand I wonder how I can stand it here till July. If the situation changes even a little for the better then I will be able to endure it. I can empathize with Hugh, but on the other hand can he tolerate it here till then. The situation here changes from day to day. For all our sakes I hope it changes for the better.
It is about 6:30p.m. Mahala seems sad. I have never seen her like this. She never laughs or smiles anymore. There is no life in her. Her face tells the story of her feelings about being here. I know she misses the States terribly.
It took us a long time to persuade her to walk out with us this evening. All during the walk she lagged behind us. She kept telling us she wanted to return to our lodgings. We saw Kurt and some friend sitting outside the library. They had with them some crabs and crawfish that they had caught from the rice fields behind the school. Kurt let Mahala play with the animals. She perked up a little after that. I guess Mahala is going through her own depression about this place. It makes sense. I went through it and Hugh did to. I cannot bear to see her so lifeless and unhappy. I do not know how to cheer her up.
10-3-98
@8:30a.m.
I heard someone walking and talking outside the hallway this morning. That got me up. Then came the knocking at the door. It was Barney and his friend. They wanted to talk to Hugh. I told them to come back later as Hugh was still asleep. That was about 40 minutes ago.
I feel like telling Hugh to just resign but then what are we going to do when we get back. We are caught between the ocean and the deep blue sea. Just wish that there were something waiting for us back in the States.
The rat has been getting into the D-Con that Mom sent to us.
Every morning we wake up with a great sense of loss and regret, we cheer up a bit in the afternoon but evenings and nights are the worse. As soon as it gets dark it hits us. We are totally immersed in sadness.
We walked out this afternoon to our new eating place. We spent about 7yuan on 2 packets of fried rice and a packet of fried noodles. We also bought some salty and sweet "Chow bin".
Barney did come back again with his friend. They bought us a big bag of hard candy. I gave some to the little boy whose parents own the little shop in the hotel lobby. It is a mall sundry shop. I like the couple who runs it. They are young and work very hard.
Tonight the hot water ran for a little while than stopped completely. So I had to heat up water so Hugh could take a shower too. He was the last one in the tub.
This afternoon we had fun burning trash in the garden. It kept us occupied and busy for a couple of hours. We forgot our problems during that period. Mahala collected dried leaves and twigs, bark off the trees. She wants to burn the stuff she collected tomorrow. Hugh built a round outdoor hearth from bricks we found lying around the garden so that we will have a place to burn the trash.
Hugh’s students, four of them, brought some bricks for us. Hugh had told his classes that he was going to build a BBQ set out of the bricks that they bring.
10-4-98
@11:45a.m.
This will be the last day that we can sleep uninterrupted. Tomorrow is Monday and the beginning of school after the holidays. The routine starts all over again.
The rats have been getting into the D-Con. We had left a whole packet outside and the contents are almost all gone
Mahala is drawing outside on the table with 3 little girls and a little boy.
Since the start of the holidays we have stuck to a schedule. We wake up, have coffee together. Then Mahala gets up We walk out later to buy food and come back to the lodgings to eat them.
Earlier in the morning Mahala had some little visitors. They came over to play. The children mostly sit, draw or play jump rope. Hardly any talking. They seem to know what each of them is trying to say.
We picked up pieces of trash and burn them in our hearth. We have done that everyday since Hugh built us that hearth.
Mahala still misses Grandma. We all do too. The situation seems better but I still wish to go back at the end of this semester. Or maybe I am more resigned to the fact of being here. I really do not know any more.
We packed up the microwave because it was in the way and we never use it. Another problem taken care of.
For dinner Mahala had a peanut butter on bun. Hugh might have had one too. I am not feeling hungry. Sometimes I wish I had something nice to say about this place.
10-5-98
@10:15a.m.
Well, we were awakened by the sound coming from the speakers. Back to the old grindstone routine again. This morning I did not hear the exercise music though. Usually the music comes on first, then the exercise drill, then the news for about half an hour. By that time it is usually seven.
When Hugh came back from class he told me that most of the students are not back yet. Who would blame them? Mr. Xu came by around noontime. He informed us that we had a box at the post office downtown and also two mailbags at the campus post office. He will bring the box to us in the afternoon. He will take Hugh along when he collects the mailbags. There are mostly books in the bags. I know the box must be from Grandma. It is our 2nd care box.
I really think that my brain cells are shrinking because of the lack of protein. I cannot even spell simple words. I have been making mistakes. Hugh managed to string another clothesline for me. That will help. Mahala and I learned how to make stars out of ribbons from the two little girls who come and visit us every Sunday evening. We also received our Mom’s box. The box looked battered but the contents were fine. Looked like the box had been shaken about. Now the contents of the mailbags were really bad. The books had been bent and looking worse for wear. Papers were spilled out from their folders. We had to pay Mr. Xu 10 yuan for the box he picked up from the post office for us. Five yuan for this one and another five for the previous one. The money is for customs inspection.
We walked out to buy dinner, fried rice and steamed dumplings. We also bought some bananas. We finished the last of the beef jerky and almonds today. It sure tasted good while it lasted.
There is a full moon out tonight. It is the Autumn Festival. There are lots of students out in the field. We can see bonfires being lighted. Groups of students sitting around the fire or lighted candles. They are singing, talking, laughing, clapping hands and eating. They have bananas, oranges, peanuts and sunflower seeds to enjoy themselves with. Everyone seems to be having a merry time. Actually it was not bonfires but lighted candles that I saw from our lodgings.
We walked out to the field and took a stroll. It was dark then. Some of Hugh’s students saw us and called us over to sit with them. We walked over and they shared their food with us. The girls were Amanda, Linda, Lucy, Jenny and a couple of others. I do not remember their names. I noticed some of the other students had bought mooncakes and pears.
We walked back to our rooms and turned on the television. There was a Chinese movie on and it had English sub-titles. It was a comedy with all its slapstick humor and antics. All of us got caught up in it. The movie provided us with much needed laughs. We have not laughed since we arrived here.
At 9:30p.m. we decided to run the hot water for our bath. None. So I walked down to the front desk. The lady on duty was lying down on the bed watching television. I gestured to her and she told me "Mei Yoh" which means none. I understood that much Chinese. I definitely will need to ask Mr. Xu or Zhao about the hot water situation. Not knowing whether there will be hot water each night is frustrating. Maybe the ladies are just too lazy to turn it on for us. All I know is that it pisses me off, because we will have to heat up water and it takes us at least half an hour or so to heat up the 3 kettles that we need for all of us to get cleaned up. It really spoils my whole day then.
10-6-98
@9:30a.m.
I just made myself a cup of coffee. The kettle is on the boil. I need the water so I can at least wash myself down to clean up. Mahala is still asleep.
One evening we were with Hugh at his conversation class. I think it was on a Tuesday night. It is not mandatory. The students show up if they want to. This class usually ends around 9:30p.m. That night the class had to break early because the lights all went out at 9:00p.m. The school authorities have decided that the electric power to all the classes will be shut off at that time. The dorms will be affected too. In fact the whole campus. Thank goodness our lodgings are not affected by this ruling.
Hugh cleaned up the extra room that we have and that Julia and Apollo have been using. It was filthy in there especially the bathroom. The rat or rats had dragged the box of D-Con in there and had chewed up the box. There was rat shit on the floor of the bathroom. Hugh figured the rats must have crawled into the bathroom through the drainage pipe. Hugh spent over an hour trying to clean that place up.
10-7-98
@9:05a.m.
We had warm water for our bath yesterday night. I can’t still figure out the deal with the hot water supply.
The school was playing Simon and Grafunkel’s "Sounds of Silence" at 6:00a.m. this morning. We thought that was pretty apt at that time of morning. Hugh left for class around 7:50a.m. So I decided to get up and make myself a cup of coffee. Laundry day today. While hanging my clothes I noticed a strong smell. It smelt like a dead animal. I looked around the garden for signs of any dead rats but could not see any.
Yesterday night we noticed how skinny Mahala has become. We are sure it is the lack of protein or malnutrition that we are all experiencing. I am most unhappy with it.
I had hoped to get a letter from Grandma today. It would cheer all of us up. So difficult to be positive here.
We have decided to get a Math tutor for Mahala. We need to pick one out. We have shortlisted it down to 4 candidates, all ladies. We need to find an individual that will be suitable for Mahala.
Hugh killed centipedes’ #’s 8 and 9 today.
Julia came back from Beijing. She came over in the evening and had bought some sweet delicacies from the city and also some ceramic figurines from Nanjing.
Hugh and I have decided to pick Lucy to teach Mahala. She will teach an hour a day, Mondays through Fridays. I hope this works out.
10-8-98
@noon
Hugh has no classes today. He has a discussion group coming at 10:00a.m. When the students came each of them brought with them 2 bricks each for our BBQ project. We have collected 45 bricks so far.
This morning Julia asked Hugh to consider her for the tutoring job. Hugh explained to her that we have already decided on Lucy. We had decided that we will not engage anyone who has a job. Julia has one. I suspect Julia put Hugh in an awkward position. She should not have asked.
We have not seen any rats running outside in the garden since we put out the boxes of D-Con.
Yesterday I saw Mr. Xu while I was buying some oranges for Mahala outside the hotel. I talked to him about the hot water situation. He spoke to the ladies that were at the reception desk. One individual replied "no guests, no hot water". Fine. But could the ladies inform me when there is not going to be any hot water so I do not have to wait till 9:30p.m. to boil up my own water. Mr. Xu then asked if there was going to be any hot water that day. The lady said no. Well it surprised me that at 9:50p.m. I turned on the tap and hot water came out. Each of us quickly undressed and showered while the hot water lasted. That old saying is true, strike while the iron is hot.
We found out some interesting news from Julia about her trip. She told us the train to Beijing was crowded. She was lucky to find seats for herself and her friend. There were people standing and sitting on the aisles of the train. The journey to Beijing took about 15 hours. One thing she learned was, never leave your seat unattended or you will lose it. For those who could not buy tickets for Beijing there were people selling them at inflated prices on the train.
There was a lot of pushing and shoving to get on the train. Some of the commuters were going through the windows. Julia herself saw a man push his wife through the window, then handed her their baby and then climbed through the window himself. Those already on the train would pull their friends through the windows. Sometimes those people would demand payment for helping you get onboard that way. Some passengers who had seats would sell their places to standing passengers for a profit. Everyone was making money any way they can. People were packed like sardines on the train.
Julia ate only one pear and an apple for the entire journey.
Usually the maximum passenger capacity for a train compartment is 128 persons. During peak seasons the number goes up to over 300 persons or more. I cannot imagine what would happen if there ever was an accident involving such trains.
Hugh killed another centipede tonight. The thing was by the bedroom door. That is the 10th one.
We came back from Hugh’s discussion group at 8:30p.m. We were all feeling hungry so I boiled up some eggs and heated up the leftover food.
When we walked through the lobby we noticed that the lady on duty was "not my business" person so I presumed that there was not gong to be any hot water. To my surprise at 9:30p.m. when I turned on the tap there was hot water after all. The hotel must have paying guests tonight.
10-9-98
@11:37a.m.
It is the last day of the workweek. Thank goodness it’s Friday. Hugh has another class this afternoon at 3:00p.m.
We woke up to rain this morning and it is still raining now.
Yesterday night Mahala slapped her right hand with her left and said "I hate my body, I hate my life". I think that really got to Hugh. Mahala is totally miserable here. She feels hungry all the time. We all do. We have had no meat for a while. Our diet is real shitty. Sometimes I think our family is fated to go through life like this. Challenges all the time. No job security at all since the day we married. The good things in life pass us by. We are good people and yet we never seem to be able to reach that good life. We see everyone having their own homes but not us. It is depressing when I think about it.
It is overcast and drizzling right now. The ground is saturated. Maybe the rain will clean off all the dirt and dust on the roads and paths.
Hugh came back at noon and we walked out to buy some food. While walking back to our lodgings we met May. We saw a group of students waiting outside a door. "They are waiting to get inside to shower. Today is Friday, shower day" said May.
It is still cloudy and overcast. It is 3:00p.m.
10-10-98
@10:00a.m.
It is the weekend again. It is exactly 48 days since we arrived in China. Our situation remains basically the same. We are in need of protein. We are not any happier or sadder just existing in a state of limbo. We stay within the confines of the hotel and shut out everything else or at least try to keep them out. It is hard to maintain privacy with the students dropping in especially Julia. She is constantly here bugging Hugh to help her with her B.E.C. Apollo is not as bad as Julia. He only comes on Thursdays because he wants to work on the computer.
It is overcast again. I hope the weather clears up soon and the sun shines otherwise my clothes will not dry.
I found out the name of the little boy whose parents own the shop in the hotel lobby. It is Chung Kwah.
Apollo brought over a tape for us to listen to. It was from the stage production of "My Fair Lady". That was at 7:00p.m.
10-11-98
@8:45a.m.
It is overcast this morning. We have had three days of weather like this. My clothes are damp. Surely this sort of weather cannot last too long.
Mahala and I were talking about Halloween yesterday. We wondered what the most popular costume will be this year. I hope we have a quiet day today. No students dropping in unknown. The only one who is coming is Lucy. We want to talk to her about her classes with Mahala.
It has been several days now that I have been having horrible dreams. Quarreling, fighting and getting lost, me and Mahala alone and going on long journeys. My brain must be in turmoil. I really want to go home at the end of this semester.
We walked out to the market to buy some eggs. Also got some beans and fresh water fishes. They are carps. Hugh bought me a basket for 5yuan. It was hand woven by the lady who sold it. It is not very aesthetic but it is functional. We walked back to our rooms and put everything away then went out to buy fried rice. We met Mr. Zhao at the market. He was with his son. His wife is at school working on some extra curricular activities. He was baby-sitting for that day. We bought 4 packets of fried rice, the extra one being for Julia. She has been here the whole day since this morning. Even though she spends part of the day in the other room she will come over and spend hours here with us.
Lucy came and we talked to her about Mahala’s curriculum. Lucy told us the hours she is available and we told her what we expected of her in terms of her teaching. She was very happy with the monetary terms. Hugh paid her very well.
I wish a letter would come from Grandma. It has been quite some time now since we received any. I wonder what is happening to the rest of the world. That is what I miss. Everything is so far away and I do not know what is going on to the rest of the world. News travel slow when you do not have any means communication.
Mahala is talking about Halloween. I know she will miss not being in the States to celebrate it. I hope tomorrow will be a better day for her. She will have her first class with Lucy tomorrow. I wonder how that will go. All I want is to be able to get out of here when the semester ends which should be in January. Please make it so. I do not know if I can last till July.
10-12-98
@5:28p.m.
Mahala’s first class with Lucy went well. Lucy is coming again tomorrow. Hugh will have to teach another two classes. That means his work schedule this semester is very heavy. Most of his time is spent in classes and during his free time he has the discussion groups come here. He is so busy we hardly get to be together as a family. He is here and yet he is not here. Does that make sense? I feel he spends all his time with his students. Practically everyday we have someone here. Mahala and I might just as well go back. Julia and Apollo practically live here as it is. They spend their time in the room next door.
We received Mom’s letter and card. Felt happy and sad at the same time. Hugh does not seem to understand that. Does he want us to pretend that we do not miss Mom’s place and the comforts that we left behind. As long as I am here my feelings will remain the same.
10-13-98
@9:05a.m.
It is raining again this morning. My clothes will not be able to dry because it is so damp. Humidity is high.
With the rain I feel so miserable. I miss all my possessions and having my own place again. Mahala just woke up. Her first word were "I miss my Grandma". Such an unhappy situation.
Hugh got back around 9:55p.m. Julia has him over in the other room now. He is helping her with her Business English. That girl never lets up. The water coming out from the tap tonight is just warm not hot. It is cold tonight. The rain has not stopped at all.
10-14-98
@8:35a.m.
I will not count the number of days since we have been here. Mahala is sleeping. She is doing well with her lessons with Lucy. On Thursday and Sunday Wendy is coming to teach her Arts and Crafts. Hugh also wants another person to come in for her Language Arts. I am afraid it will be too much for Mahala so soon. But Hugh is pretty adamant about it. We just hope that Mahala will benefit with the tutoring from other people besides just Hugh and I.
Looks like my gas tank is empty again. Surely that cannot be. I just had it replaced a while back. Hugh promised to look at it for me. I have not done much cooking on the stove.
Julia cam by and showed us the photos she took while in Beijing. Later Hugh pointed out to me that in every photo Julia was in the center of it all. She is pretty much self-centered. She told Hugh that she is the best person to teach Mahala because she is good in English. I have noticed that she keeps to herself pretty much. Julia tells me that all the other students act silly. She is different. She is a high achiever. She does not fraternize much with the other girls and the other students ignore her too. I bet she will be annoyed that we passed her over again for another tutor for Mahala. Julia told us that while sight seeing at the Great Wall of China with her friends they picked up pieces of the crumbling masonry and kept it as a momento of that trip. They also walked where it was forbidden to do so. Signs were posted telling visitors that the section was unsafe. Julia and her friends did it anyway. Total disregard. Later on I asked Hugh what he thought of all that Julia had told us. That’s the state of affairs in China. The people just do not care. People just disregard signs.
I cannot believe it. It is still raining, been raining since yesterday. Hugh had to rig up a clothesline for me inside the rooms so I could have enough space for all my damp clothes.
I heard a guy hawking and spitting when I was outside this morning. The spit landed on the ground outside our rooms. I swear if it had hit me I would have given that person a piece of my mind even if he does not understand English.
10-15-98
@8:45a.m.
It is the middle of October today. Hugh gets paid today. He is not too sure where to go to get his paycheck so I will accompany him to the cashier’s office. He has a group coming in for discussion at 10:00a.m. I need to buy more airmail envelopes if I want to send any more letters back to the States. I can only buy them at the school post office and nowhere else. The Chinese government must have a monopoly on certain goods and services. You cannot get any of these services or goods except through the Government.
We are thinking of giving Mahala a Halloween Party. The students are all keen on that. We need to find some orange and black crepe paper to create pumpkins and lanterns.
Mahala wanted a can of peach. I opened up the can and smelled tuna. It was tuna. Mom had wrapped the cans of tuna with peach and tomato cans wrappers. That was clever of her. If Mahala had not asked for peaches I would never have found out about it.
I went out to the post office to buy myself some envelopes. I had a student with me. The man behind the counter was not very helpful. He seemed busy and told us to come back tomorrow.
I walked with Hugh to the cashier’s office in the afternoon. Mr. Xu was there to help us. They paid Hugh in cash.
10-16-98
@10:15a.m.
Fifteen more days to November. We have not received any more boxes from Mom. I need to send off letters to Mom and Vicki. I am feeling a little sick today. I have a bad headache.
When Thanksgiving and Christmas comes by I will really be feeling homesick.
Hugh should be home soon. What shall we have for lunch today?
Something smells real bad in the garden. It could be the decaying rats. I cannot see any bodies but the smell is sure there.
Hugh came back around noontime. Lucy came by then Louisa and May. We sat outside because it was such a nice day. The rains had stopped. Hugh read the Tarot cards for Louisa and May. It went pretty well. Both girls are coming back later this evening for some local beer called "Gi Gong Shang" or Rooster Mountain beer. The girls are getting some peanuts and candles. We will burn some of the wood we have collected then.
There was no hot water tonight.
10-17-98
@9:45a.m.
It is a Saturday morning. I am boiling up some water for my warm shower.
Yesterday six girls showed up. There was Louisa, May, Linda, Lucy, Kathryn and of course Julia. She was in the other room so Hugh had to invite her too. Everyone brought some snacks except Julia. I cannot blame her. She was invited only at the last minute. Hugh bought 10 bottles of beer and the girls consumed 6.
I think Julia can be a real threat to my family. She just rubs me the wrong way. I cannot put my finger on it. She is nice to my family but I still cannot trust her completely. I do not feel that way with the other students just her. I try to be decent to her. Maybe it is her aggressive nature.
All the girls wanted Hugh to read the tarot cards for them except for Julia. I tell you that girl has something to hide. She is very secretive about her comings and goings. I just do not like it.
I am telling Hugh not to go over and help Julia when she comes over on Sunday to the other room. She knows Sunday is our family day. Yet she comes by in the morning and evenings and monopolizes Hugh’s time by asking him questions about her B.E.C. exams. He tries to be obliging and goes over to help her. It is an intrusion on our family time. Every Sunday without fail around 10:30 to 11:00a.m. she will be knocking at our door. It is partly Hugh’s fault. He lets her get away with it. One day I am going to put a stop to this. When that happens he will get mad at me. I think she likes to flirt with him. All the other girls do not behave that way. I really do not trust that girl.
When we went out to buy some food ourselves we met Keith, Apollo, Roy, Elton and Kurt. All of them had been drinking. They were celebrating Keith’s birthday. They have had like 16 bottles of beer among themselves. We also saw a very drunk young man being helped to his feet by 3 other friends. Alcohol is freely sold on campus. You can get it anywhere easily without any hassles. The girls like the stuff too. The rate of drunkenness must be real high on campus if that is the case. It leads to alcoholism. Some of the male students like to drink the white wine, which is really potent. As long as you have the money you can buy beer. I see children buying them hopefully for not their consumption. There is no legal age limit for drinking alcohol.
It is Saturday evening.
This afternoon Hugh had called over two groups of students who were interested in making English posters to put up around the school. One group was drawing and the other was painting. The group has decided to call themselves "popcorn". I do not know why they picked that name. Today they painted a poster about Halloween and one about popcorn. They used the spare room to work in. So every Saturday until the whole project peters out the group will be using the other room. I am leaving Hugh to do what he has to do. In my opinion this project that he has started will not go very far. Everyone seems enthusiastic right now but the interest will fade in the long run. In Malaysia there is a saying that goes like this "hangat hangat tahi ayam". Translated literally it means "hot hot chicken shit" meaning the novelty of this experiment will wear off fast. I understand Hugh wants to help the students but he will be disappointed in this venture. The best he can hope for is that by the end of this project he still might have 2 to 3 students at the most remaining. The rest would have drifted off. Even the extra classes he is offering right now is looking that way too. The interest has waned. The students have slowly drifted away from his discussion groups due to other school commitments. It is down to about 20 students from the two groups. At the beginning of the American Literature class that he offered to the Grade 3 class there was a huge turnout of about 50 students in two groups. Now there are only 10 people total in both groups. There is not much interest left.
I was outside burning trash while the students were being busy with their group projects. Apollo came up to me and had a message for Hugh. He wants Hugh to know this. He is not interested in joining this group because all it does is just drawing and writing. He also feels that the group should not be using the room for the project. The reason being because Apollo uses the room every Saturday to study in. I told him I would pass the message about him not wanting to join the group to Hugh. He has to tell Hugh about his feelings regarding the room himself.
While the group was engaged in the other room I found out that there was hot water. That was around 5:00p.m. So I found myself taking a nice hot shower early. Hugh had one too. Hugh told me that there were some very important guests staying in the hotel. If we are really lucky there might even be hot water tonight. I checked at 9:30p.m. There was none.
10-18-98
@12:40p.m.
Julia came by around 8:45am. this morning. I was in the bathroom. I heard her asking Hugh if he could help her with some questions regarding her B.E.C.. Hugh told her not now. She knows Sunday is our family day and yet she still comes and bugs Hugh with her work. Sunday is the only day when we do not have students here.
We are having our quiet time now. It is peaceful, too peaceful. I wish there was more to being here. I look forward to the day when we can go back.
We killed our 11th and 12th centipede today. One was by the door leading outside to the garden. The other was in the bathtub.
We had leftovers for lunch.
It is about 9:45p.m. Mahala and Hugh are watching Jurassic Park. The movie is in English. Today is the 2nd night in a row where we have no hot water. So I am boiling up some hot water for us to clean with. I am pretty mad about this. I really need to talk to Mr. Xu again. I cannot accept the excuse that the hotel management has given me about there being no hot water if there are no guests.
It just makes being here that much harder if I have to deal with this kind of situation each night. Besides being dirty there is also the fact that due to lack of good food you also feel hungry. I really miss all the comforts of being back in the States.
10-19-98
@10:10a.m.
The beginning of another week in Xinyang. How depressing. Every week is like the previous week. Nothing new, no news, everyone stares at and points at us even the children and people spitting everywhere etc. etc.
There is a lot of commotion going on inside and outside the hotel this morning. I see and hear the ladies sweeping the balconies upstairs. They must be expecting important guests. This is the first time I have seen them clean up the hotel so thoroughly.
I really do not like it here at all. I wake up wanting to go back. My hunger is never satisfied. Mahala feels that way too. We eat the same thing for every meal. There is no variety. There are restrictions on the hot and cold water. We lose water pressure after 10:30p.m. After about 11:00p.m. there is no water at all.
I feel sick. My throat feels tight and my eyes are dry.
There has been no hot water on Saturday and Sunday nights. I wonder what the heck is going on. The management never tells us if there is going to be hot water or not. The strange thing about it was on both those two days the hot water came on in the late afternoons between the hours of 2:30p.m. and 4:30p.m. So all of us had a hot shower early.
10-19-98
@10:45a.m.
I am beginning my second book this morning. The cover on this notebook reads "Juicy Story". I am calling my second book Rosie’s Juicy Stories. It really is appropriate. Maybe there will be lots of juicy stuff I can write in my new book. I realize there are a lot of negative feelings in my first book and I am sure there will be some in this one too. Everyday I will write down what has happened during my time here in China. I know it will mostly be unhappy and in a negative vein.
The days are getting colder. The floor gets really cold in the mornings. It is a tiled floor. We do not have any rugs or carpets to walk on. Because of the high humidity some of our luggage that we have stored away from sunlight has mildew on them.
It is an overcast morning. Of course we had our usual wake up call at 6:00a.m. During the course of the day the speakers blares out music, news and public announcements at least five times.
Yesterday Mahala’s little friends came by in the evening. They are the Sunday group. They brought with them a Chinese check board game. It was similar to tic-tac-toe. They made flowers and drew for a while. They then played a stacking game with cubes and squares. The girls left at 9:0p.m. The names of the girls are Zhao Li, Li Na and Zhang Wang.
Mahala is getting good at making the roses. She has been practicing since yesterday evening. I am thinking about sending Grandma a gift for her birthday in November.
The last bag of books finally came. This time the condition of the books was better.
10-20-98
@8:40a.m.
I was running a temperature yesterday and felt sick the whole day. I felt cold all day long.
I woke this morning feeling much better.
Two young men came to visit Hugh this afternoon. Both of them were from Grade 1. They were coming to discuss with Hugh the plans for the party they were going to have for us. The party is being planned for tomorrow. This is the first time I have heard about it. I really do not feel like going at all. I feel like we as a family is being put on display and I hate that. We are not objects to be stared at. I feel very uncomfortable being in that kind of situation. I will not subject ourselves to this kind of display especially Mahala. I know the students mean well but I wish they would not do it. We get stares as it is when we walk out together as a family. I have told Hugh I am not going because I do not feel like making conversation. Hugh told me that the whole thing was a misunderstanding between the class and him. The students had obviously misinterpreted his meaning about the party. He was talking about a discussion group with them and they had misconstrued that Hugh had wanted to have a party. I am glad they cleared the misunderstanding up. So there won’t be any party after all.
I had a nosebleed. First time I have had one since I was a young girl. Sometimes I think this place is "siou" for me.
10-21-98
@8:45a.m.
I feel much better this morning.
Yesterday morning Mr. Zhou came by and checked the gas tank for me. Hugh asked him about the plane fare. I understand from Hugh that the school is supposed to reimburse him the money for the flight here and back to the States. He was under this impression since the beginning of the correspondence with the school. I had my doubts from the beginning. From reading the contract it was my impression that the school will only pay for the flight fare back. That only applies if Hugh works through until the end of the contract. If Hugh breaks contract midway then that part of the deal is off. He has to pay for his own ticket. Either way the school has the upper hand in its dealings with us. Mr. Zhao just confirmed my doubts for us. Hugh is feeling real let down over this new development. That will mean if we leave at the end of the semester, we will have to pay for Hugh’s plane fare back and also pay the school a sum of US$500 for breach of contract. That made me so unhappy that I started crying. So Hugh want s to stick out the year here so that we will not have to pay all that money to the school. Personally I just do not know if I can last that long here. During times like this I wish that there was a job waiting for Hugh back in the States. I would just pack our bags and leave right away.
This afternoon Mahala will have lessons with Lucy. She is getting along fine with her lessons.
Elton came to visit us. He came by himself. He is really shy and wanted to talk to Hugh about his shyness. Hugh told him this "You have to get over your shyness and learn to talk English". He says he will try to do it. He seems sincere in wanting to improve his oral skills.
In the late afternoon Mary and Eldom came to visit. Both of them are in Grade 3. While they were talking 3 Grade 4 students interrupted Hugh. They wanted Hugh to correct their speeches for them. They also wanted Hugh to write out some questions for them to answer regarding the contents of their speech. They invited Hugh to sit in on their speech contest. The English department is organizing the competition. There will be 8 contestants. Hugh had to decline because he has classes on that day. Hugh told the girls he will make up the questions for them. He stayed up late just to prepare the questions for them. He was telling me that they should have come earlier rather than so late if they wanted his help.
Hugh came back from class around noon. He usually walks across the field. It is a shorter way. A group of freshmen were doing their physical exercises in the field that time. As he passed them they said Hi to him in a rather derogatory way. More like taunting him. The students were acting real cocky too. So he walked over and told them not to act that way. He walked away then. As soon as his back was turned the students started calling him again. That really pissed him off. Hugh made a rude gesture that involved his private parts. "Which one of you said that?" One of them was dumb enough to say hello right then. Hugh reached over and grabbed him on the shoulder and told him to cut it out. All of them backed off then. Hugh’s behavior must have shocked the group of student.
Something similar happened to me too. I was on my way back after buying lunch. I was carrying three packets of food and I ran into Amanda. I pointed to the packets I was carrying and told her "This is lunch". A group of three male students walked by and started to mimic me not once but twice. That is so insulting and it bothered me. I made a rude comment to them. I thought about it afterwards thinking that was dumb. They did not understand what I said. It was like water off a duck’s back.
Tonight Hugh has a conversation class at 7:00p.m. Mahala and I will not go. I always feel like I am display when I go to those sort of group.
We also received Mom’s letter and the enclosed photos.
10-22-98
@10:335a.m.
There are no classes this morning for Hugh. He has a discussion group here right now.
This morning while I was outside hanging out my clothes I heard a person walk out from a room upstairs. Seconds later I heard a hawking sound. I knew what was coming next. I looked up and this man had spit on the balcony outside of his room. He did it twice. Yesterday evening there were two men doing the same thing.
After tutoring Mahala, Lucy stayed and talked with us for a couple of hours. Then Julia came by. It was her turn to use the room.
Hugh is thinking that the English department might ask him to teach Introduction to English Literature to the Grade 3. I am encouraging him not to do it. He has a full load already. From what I can understand the present teacher is not doing a good job with it. The students tell me that all he does is read straight from the text. It is boring. The students then complained to their class teacher and she sat in on his class one day. In fact Lucy told me a while ago that the teacher did not turn up this morning to teach that course.
Our diet is still atrocious. We have had no meat besides the tiny pieces that we find in the cooked vegetables that we buy. Mahala is enjoying a can of tuna right now. We have to make our canned food stretch for as long as we can. All of us feel hungry all the time. Nothing satisfies us. We are anxiously awaiting for our 2nd care box from Grandma. We get tired of eating the same thing everyday. If I was not hungry I would not eat the food here. We have the "chiao tze" and the "poa tze". We do not like it because the filling in them is mostly fat. Very unhealthy. How we wish for pizza, hamburgers, and curry chicken. We crave meat.
10-23-98
@845a.m.
It is Friday again. Hugh has a bad cold again. This is the 2nd one since he’s been here. Mine is still hanging on. The skin on the sole of my feet is beginning to crack. I think it is because I have been walking on the cold tiled floor in my bare feet.
Hugh and I feel disappointed with our living conditions. There is nothing here that can compensate for what we have lost to come here.
Mahala has not had any milk or dairy products for about a month now. She is not getting any protein in her diet. That worries us.
This evening we walked out as usual to get our food. Mahala ate the meat in the vegetables. We are running low on the coffee. We have enough to make two more cups. That’s it. I am getting tired of drinking just sodas. I crave for orange juice.
I took a shower tonight. The water turned cold after a minute. I had shampoo in my hair and had to rinse off with cold. That really felt bad. I was mad. The water turned hot again after a while. We made Mahala take a quick hot shower before the water turned cold again. Hugh had to boil up some water for his shower.
The students in the field do not bother Hugh at all since the incident with them. Hugh has also finally decided to post his office hours on our door. If students need to talk to him they will have to come during the posted hours. That will be good. It will mean that we can have some privacy and he will get to spend more time with us.
This evening is the first time in 2 months that the family has spent a quiet evening together. Mahala is drawing, Hugh is writing and I am working on my journal.
Before then 4 girls from Grade 3 came over. They were all dressed up in pretty clothes. All of them were going to a dance that is held every Friday and Saturday night. They wanted us to go with them. Both Hugh and I declined. We told the girls that we did not dance. The girls left soon afterwards. The girls are Enya, Rose, Cecilia and unknown.
10-24-98
@10:35a.m.
I am counting every single day. I feel like a prisoner waiting for my day of release.
At 4:00 or 5:00a.m. in the morning, Hugh woke me up. He was holding a baseball bat in his hand. He told me to go into the bathroom. I just turned over. I heard him hitting on something in there. He came out and told me to come and have a look. I asked him if it was a rat. He said yes. A rat had fallen into the toilet bowl and in its effort to get out it started making a lot of splashing noises. That woke Hugh up. He took his bat and killed the rat with it. He had to remove it from the toilet. He used a pair of chopsticks, threw it into a plastic bag, tied it up real good and threw it over the wall into a densely wooded area that is just beside our garden. We had no other way of getting rid of it. It is time for us to break out another box of D-Con again. The rats are inside the rooms.
Mahala and I woke up with the sniffles. Hugh has had one for the last few days. Our cold keeps coming back every few days. It must be a chronic infection that does not go away. What can we expect if the people keep spitting everywhere even in the classrooms. This place is a hot house for breeding germs. The person most vulnerable to picking up all these germs is Hugh. He is the most exposed to it.
The students who come and visit all have stinky feet. When the 4 girls yesterday evening one of them or maybe all of them had smelly feet. It was so bad that it took all my will power not to pinch my nose while I was talking to them. The men have it too. They must not change their socks too often. They have body odor too. That happens when a person only gets to shower once or twice a week. It is not their fault. It’s the system that needs to change.
None of us are happy here. Hugh is sticking it out because it has cost us so much to get here. It would look bad if we bailed out now. It would be construed as failure on our part. Part of the problem is Hugh is undecided on whether he really wants to leave or stay. I do not blame him for that. I feel the same way too. I do not want the family especially his mom to think we could not cut it here because of the difficulties we are facing in our living conditions. She helped us get here financially. One day he tells me we are leaving and the next day he wants to stay. My mood swings like a pendulum. I cannot seem to stabilize my feelings. Mostly I feel angry and sad.
This morning he tells me that he has hired Jenny to teach Mahala Chinese history and language. It was a surprise. He went ahead and did it without even telling me. We had discussed the idea but never reached any decision about it. That is what bugs me the most. He just does it without bothering to warn me about it first. I suppose he is going to pay Jenny 200yuan a month too. So that will make a total of 800yuan a month for the four tutors he has hired so far. We will have a balance of 1,400yuan for our monthly expenses.
Another thing. He has repeatedly told us to be more frugal in our spending because he does not want to spend any extra money on phone calls to Grandma. He will not buy coffee because he is hoping that Mom will have some in the next care box. He will not buy Milo because it is too expensive. Right now the only expenditure we have is buying the cooked food that we eat everyday. That is all. How frugal can a family get.
The shops around the school do not sell anything like Ovaltine, Nescafe or sugar cubes. You need to go downtown to get those stuff.
Sometimes when I get really angry and frustrated I want to go back even if Mahala does not want to without her Daddy. The spring break is a good time. Hugh can stay on if he so chooses. I leave the choice up to him though I would prefer him to come too.
Mahala just pinched the skin of her belly on the desk drawer. She started to cry. I applied some antibiotic cream on the wound.
Looks like we will not have any hot water tonight.
I am slowly losing my mind here. My unhappiness lies under the surface of my skin. It is always there and always comes out in times like this. I cannot seem to get rid of it at all. Hugh tells me I am selfish, only thinking of my problems and feeling sorry for myself. I do not think about Mahala. I do think of my daughter. If it was not for Mahala I would have completely lost whatever little peace of mind I have. Maybe even have a total nervous breakdown.
Hugh expects me to bear and grin it. I cannot do that. He seems not to understand. How can I be happy when everything here is making that impossible. I am at my wit end.
10-25-98
@3:25p.m.
I woke up late this morning. It was after 9:45a.m.
I did a load of laundry. Hugh, Mahala and I went downtown by ourselves to replenish our supply of food. We bought a bottle of Tang, cookies, trash bags and a few other necessities. We did not find any Ovaltine or Milo so instead we bought a packet of cocoa as a substitute. I wonder if it tastes good. Mahala was very afraid that we would get lost and not be able to find our way back to the school. She was very hesitant to go with us. She was so afraid of getting lost that before we left the school grounds she cried. It took a lot of convincing on our part before she consented to come with us. Even then all the way to town and while there she kept asking us if we were lost. That is how insecure she is.
We had no problem getting downtown. We took the #2 bus. Reached the market safely, bought everything that we needed and walked to the bus stop to wait for the bus back. We were laden with plastic bags full of groceries. The bus was crowded on the way back. We were packed in like sardines. The bus driver kept picking up passengers even though it was at full capacity. The maximum passengers allowed is 30. There must have been about twice that number that day. It was a bumpy ride all the way back.
We were relieved to get back and unload all our groceries. We then walked out to the food shop.
It is the first time I have seen the owners’ children. They are twins. The girls are identical right down to their outfits. Both of them were eating steamed buns. A little boy of five about the girl’s age came walking down the street. He looked dirty and scruffy looking. He stopped in front of the shop. Pretty soon the girls noticed him. They started throwing pieces of crumb at him. The crumbs landed on the sidewalk and the dirt road. The little boy picked the crumbs up and started putting them in his childish display. May did not do it to me. I think she knew better.
At around 6:20p.m. this evening Mr. Xu came by with a letter from Andrew. I was not expecting any letter from him so it was a nice surprise. His news of the Civic Center was very much different than that of Vicky’s.
10-29-98
@10:25a.m.
I intend to send off two letters today. One is to Grandma and the other to Andrew.
I slept through the 6:00a.m. wake up call. It was raining when I woke up. It is definitely getting colder.
Yesterday night we brought out the space heaters and plugged it in. The heaters worked fine. It did not throw out much heat. We could only use it in the living room. That is the only room that has a three-prong outlet.
Hugh has just finished building our BBQ stove. He had Roy and Elton helping him. They worked through the drizzle that has been falling all day long. This morning Hugh walked out with Julia. The next thing I know he was walking back with a bag of cement. The poor man was huffing and puffing by the time he reached the hotel. I got upset at him for doing it on his own. He should have asked one of the students to help him carry the bag of cement. I think he is nuts.
10-30-98
@11:30a.m.
I had gas the whole night yesterday. I feel bloated and full all the time. It has been with me for the last 4 days. I break wind all the time. Mom sent us some books, magazines and comic strips for Mahala.
I noticed that the envelope from Mom has been tampered with. In fact it looked like it has been opened and resealed. The postal authorities in Zhengzhou probably did it. I hope that nothing has been taken from the envelope.
10-31-98
@11:15a.m.
Halloween Day. Mahala woke up and wished me Happy Halloween. She told me "I am sad Mommy. I am missing Halloween and the party in school." I told her we will celebrate Halloween next year when we get back to the States. She is still sad.
I still have gas. Hugh made me a glass of baking soda solution. I took 2 pepto-bismol with that.` I hope it clears up this bloated feeling and it did.
Hugh walked out early to pick up the metal grill that he had made to order. He brought back one. The other bigger one is still not ready. Now all we need is to buy some good fresh meat for the BBQ.
It has been raining and right now it is overcast.
Mahala started her art class yesterday with Wendy. Two hours is way too long for her. By the last half-hour or so she started getting restless. Even Wendy looked tired. I need to discuss with Hugh the possibility of cutting an hour off that class.
11-1-98
@9:35a.m.
It is November already. We had a Halloween party yesterday night for the Grade 3, Class 2 students. Some students from his other classes turned up too. Whoever came was welcomed.
We had to spent some extra money buying the colored papers and food. Mahala was not happy because it reminded her of Halloween back home. Some of the students had decorated the classroom with the colored black and orange papers. Hugh and Apollo sat together and recorded creepy noises, moans and groans, and other weird sounds. They intend to play back the recordings during the party. Apollo, Elton and Hugh also made ghosts, pumpkins and a spider. They also had a straw man that they made out of 2 broken brooms. We dressed it up in Hugh’s old clothes. We had candles lighted in the classroom and Hugh had Elton and Apollo telling ghost stories. The girls were freaked out with this. We had games then Hugh went around the room with certain objects. He blew off all the candles except for maybe 2 or 3. In the dark he made all the students touch the objects that was mostly slimy and cold and soft and gooey. Hugh’s secret concoction. We also made a box that had a false bottom. Hugh went around and had the girls put their hand into it. He would grab their hands and you could just hear the screams. Overall it was a fun evening. We had plenty of laughs just watching the students’ reactions.
For breakfast this morning we had some buns cooked in and oven. The local people call it "Chow bin". It has brown sugar in it. There are two kinds of "Chow bin". The sweet (tian) and salty(chien) ones. I preferred the sweet while Hugh and Mahala liked the salty ones. There is another kind. We call it egg "Chow bin". It comes with a cooked egg in it.
It is 6:15p.m. It is beginning to get dark real early now.
We watched a movie called G.I. Jane tonight. It was not dubbed. We had warm water at 9:30p.m. That was good. Then Julia came at 8:30p.m. She wanted to Hugh to read the Tarot cards for her. I did not pay much attention because I was watching the movie.
11-2-98
@9:20a.m.
Mahala starts her English lessons with Linda today. My stomach still rumbles and grumbles. I just hope it is nothing serious. Mahala is still sleeping. She is still unhappy. She knows she will miss Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. I know we will be missing all the festive season. It is kind of fun to enjoy the hoopla that goes with the Holiday season. God, I wish I was back in the States. I feel like going back with Mahala and just let Hugh finish out the semester. I just do not know anymore about this place. It is confusing the heck out of me. I just don’t like this place.
Yesterday Wendy started crying when she mentioned her family. She misses her home and she does not like being in this school either.
Jenny is going to start her History class with Mahala next week. I think the girl has some personal love problems. She looked sad when she came by on Saturday. She told me it has to do with her heart.
Later Lucy informed me that Jenny has gone home. I hope that Jenny does not behave that way when she starts her lessons with Mahala.
11-3-98
@12:56p.m.
Hugh came back from class early. He cut it short because the class made him mad. They were not listening to him. Bad attitude on the students part.
So we walked out to buy some pastries. Hugh bought himself a book from the bookstore.
I think the situation here is not conducive to Hugh’s well being. He is always losing his temper or getting upset with his students. Hugh should be teaching college students. The students here do not behave like mature adults. They act like children most of the time.
Mr. Zhao told us we had a box waiting downtown at the post office. He was not able to go downtown to collect it for us. In the afternoon after 3:00p.m. Mahala and I with Elton caught a taxi downtown. Elton helped us at the post office.
Mom’s the best. In the box she had coffee, tuna, candies, jerky, little bottles of spices and best of all a small can of cappuccino. We love her for that. How wonderful to receive all those goodies. Now we will be able to eat a little better.
Julia came by at exactly 4:30p.m. That is the time we are expecting Hugh to come back from his class. She beat him home. She waited for him. I was busy getting dinner started. She sat talking with him about I do not know what until 5:30p.m. That made us eat late. The students do come at the most inopportune moment. We are either in the midst of eating, talking or watching a movie.
11-4-98
@9:00a.m.
Linda has a class with Mahala at 10:30a.m. I need to ask her to give Mahala a break after one hour.
Hugh needs to reply to the Missouri Historical Society and also to Murfreesboro to acknowledge receipts of their letters.
I made a cup of hot chocolate for Mahala using the powdered milk and the cocoa powder. She told me is pretty good.
It is 7:05p.m. Hugh has canceled his conversation class with the Grade 1 this evening.
This afternoon we had a discussion group. The students were talking about getting English books from the school library to read especially the classics and then to discuss them in the discussion group. Hugh was all for it. He remembered that he saw multiple copies of Joseph Conrad’s "Lord Jim". He told the students to start with that book and even told the group where the books were located at in the library.
Apollo asked Hugh if he could walk with them to the library to borrow it.
I remember there was Apollo, Elton, May, Louisa and Roy that day. All of us walked to the library together. Some of the group even went back to class to get their library cards. The students looked up the call number of the book in the card catalog but could not find it. Hugh told the students it was better if they just went to the English section of the library and look it up personally on the shelves. There was a man and a woman sitting in the room where all the English books were. With Apollo translating Hugh informed the two persons that he wanted to borrow the books for his students and he would like to look for them himself. That was not possible the lady replied. Then how about if she looked for the books for us. She cannot do that. She cannot deal with the foreign teaches. Hugh got really upset and Apollo had to drag him away from the room. The students told Hugh to just forget about that idea.
Hugh has never been turned away from any libraries before.
The library system here works this way. The students get the call number of the book that they want. They give the call number to the people in charge of that section. The person or persons will locate the book on the shelves and pass it to the student. The students do not browse at all. I do not know if this method only applies to the English section or throughout the library.
11-5-98
@10:15a.m.
Hugh has canceled all his discussion groups for today. He is still upset with yesterday’s episode at the library. He has never been refused a book at any libraries before. He is writing a paper now.
It is 10:15p.m. We have no hot water tonight. I walked down to the front desk to see who was on duty. There was nobody there. After a long day we really look forward to the hot water. It helps us to relax but we can’t do that if there is no hot water. So especially for me I end up feeling angry at this place and all the bad feelings that I have come out. Then I especially wish to be gone from here.
11-6-98
@8:45a.m.
The weekend is almost here. Two more days till Grandma’s birthday. I hope she has a good one. Mahala is still sleeping. She has a class with Linda today.
Yesterday Lucy told us she was going home. She misses her family and has not been back to see them since school started. I have a feeling none of the students like it here. They tolerate it because they have no choice but to stick it out here for 4 years. Once they graduate they are gone. Lucy will be gone the whole weekend. The trip back to her hometown takes 9 to 10 hours by bus. There are no train services to her town. Louisa and May came during the evening. They helped Hugh with some recording and typing.
I tried to mail two letters yesterday afternoon. The old man behind the counter told me the postage came to 22yuan. I thought that was too much especially when he told me that the charges for a single page letter costs 5.50yuan. Usually the lady only charges me 3.50yuan. This man is not very efficient and does not know much. He is nuts. I will wait until the lady is on duty.
11-7-98
@9:15a.m.
I joined Hugh in the other room this morning. It is Saturday and Mahala is still sleeping. I sat talking with him and was telling him how Mahala had thrown away 2 pages the story that she had been working on. I had picked it up from the trashcan.
Hugh then accused me of keeping Mahala inside all the time and not letting her out. Is it wrong of me to try and protect her from the rude stares and pointing. If so then I am guilty. I do not like it when people try to touch and hold her. She is not a doll but a person. She does not need attention like that. I do not like it when the students make her sit on their laps and fawn over her. She does not like it and is too polite to say no. I do not like it when she goes to their classes. They fuss over her. Instead of listening to Hugh they are talking to her. I have seen this kind of behavior when Mahala tags along with us to the discussion groups in the classes. Another reason being that I do not want her to pick up any bugs while we are here. The classes are dirty and the students spit everywhere. They crowd around her and are right in her face when they talk to her. So I very much resent it when Hugh accuses me of keeping Mahala to myself all the time. That hurts. He did apologized in his own half-hearted way. He told me he did not mean it the way it sounded.
Well it still hurts, so my day was already spoiled even before it got started. I will dwell and stew on this remark the whole day. Hugh will pick up on my feelings then he gets angry.
Yesterday afternoon we met Elton and Roy while buying our lunch. We had ordered 2 packets of fried noodles. While waiting we decided to get some fried rice too. So we walked across to the other shop to put in our order. While waiting for the fried rice Elton went ahead and paid for the noodles.
We found out about it when we went to pay for the noodles. The owner told us it had been paid for. That was nice of Elton. First time anyone here has paid for our meal.
Yesterday evening Mr. Xu came by to ask for Hugh’s help with his computer. He could not send or receive any e-mail messages. They worked on the problem for over an hour with no luck. Finally Hugh told Mr. Xu the problem is not with the computer but with his Internet server. The server is in Loyang a city that is 4 to 5 hours away by train. It is hard getting hooked up on the Internet. Mr. Xu had to fill out several forms for the Telecoms Department and also the Internal Security Office before he received permission. He suspects that his service might have been disconnected because one of his friends has been logging on to the Playboy Channel on the Internet. So he needs to call his server on Monday to find out the problem.
Mr. Zhao came by yesterday and passed some letters to Mahala. He did not come in. The letters were from Kathy and Mom. It is always good to get news from them. I always enjoy their letters.
Right now Hugh is in some class or other. He is helping the poster group. Today is the day they meet. They are making Christmas posters. Mahala went with him. They were over there for 2 hours.
11-8-98
@1:10p.m.
While Mahala was with Wendy doing her Chinese painting Hugh and I walked over to the market. We bought some chicken, vegetables and eggs. We also bought some rice and "Chow bin". That is breakfast. When we got back Mr. Zhao was outside waiting for us. His son was with him. He had brought a bicycle for Mahala. It belonged to his son but he was going to lend it to Mahala to use while here. He talked to Hugh while I sat outside with Wendy.
Wendy told me that Mr. Zhao was asking too many questions. He wanted to know who she is, what department she’s from and what she was doing here. That made Wendy very uncomfortable. Wendy told me Mr. Zhao is a proud man. She was on the verge of tears when she related this to me. Mr. Zhao must have upset her with all those questions. I told her to just ignore Mr. Zhao.
While all these were going on, Mahala, Hugh, Mr. Zhao and Ah Mor all left to try out the bicycle in the field. Mahala took a fall. She landed on her front and was not too badly hurt. The back wheel had froze on her and that caused the bicycle to come to a sudden stop. Mr. Zhao felt bad about the fall. He took the bicycle to have it fixed and brought it back after 15 minutes duly repaired. We have the bicycle in the kitchen out of the way.
The day is almost over. It is about 4:50p.m. We are going to have noodles for dinner tonight. Mahala has eaten so that just leaves Hugh and me. Mahala had Lipton Noodle Soup. Hugh shared some with her.
There is a group of children outside. There is about 6 of them. Mahala did not feel like playing so she stayed inside. The children started to burn trash in our outside hearth. They had a good fire going. The kids were burning little twigs in the fire. I was keeping an eye on the children and the fire. Hugh was concerned about the children playing with the fire and he was right. After a few minutes we heard crying. The youngest boy had gotten too close to the flames and had burnt himself, not badly, but enough to feel the heat. Hugh got angry and chased them all off. The problem with the children is that they never leave you alone. They come by whenever they please and kind of take over the back yard. I have never seen any adult supervision. The children run around the campus and every single one of them is dirty.
We discovered that Hugh’s calculator is broken. Looks like it got crushed. It is totally ruined. The stapler is broken too. We walked out to buy a new stapler.
Around 6:40p.m. two students came by to invite Hugh to the English Corner. They told Hugh that the group just wanted to hear a native speaker of English. There was going to be about over 100 students. Hugh politely declined the invitation. He told the students that Sunday was our family day. In fact I get the sneaking suspicion that Hugh was not too keen on being swamped by 100 students at the same time.
Then Norris asked if Hugh would like to give a speech in English for the students. The topic is open. Hugh did not give an answer but I could tell Norris was trying to commit Hugh to give an answer. Amanda had tried before to pin Hugh on this speech issue but Hugh has always declined. Norris though is more persistent in his pursuit. I think Hugh is wise in that decision. The English group is made up of students from the other departments. All the students want is an English speaking monkey to entertain them. Anyone would do as long as they spoke English. Hugh stood his ground and did not go.
11-9-98
@10:40a.m.
Today the volume of the speakers was especially loud. It must have been at its maximum.
During the course of the last three days I have cooked up the egg drop soup(delicious), Macaroni and cheese(all of us enjoyed that meal) and yesterday evening I cooked up a packet of the Lipton Soup(Hugh and Mahala really enjoyed that). We are down to 2 packets of the hot chocolate and we are totally out of beef jerky.
Hugh received a call from Mr. Lui of the English department yesterday evening. Hugh was informed that the Grade 4 students are all back from their teacher training. Hugh hates the students in Grade 4 and is not looking forward to resuming those classes. In fact he would rather not see them too. The Grade 4 students never attend classes. Their attendance is way below 50%. So today which is a Monday Hugh will start teaching them again. What a beginning to the weekday.
One Saturday night, Dan came to visit. He was mainly interested in political issues. Hugh was reluctant to discuss controversial subjects too much but Tien Na Men Square was mentioned. Also Pol Pot’s regime in Cambodia and Rumania. Hugh was careful about what he said to Dan. Dan is a member of the Communist Party in school.
After Hugh left for his class this morning I cleaned and washed up the chickens and cut it up. This evening I will cook it up.
11-10-98
@12:45p.m.
This morning on the way back from buying food, I saw a woman breast feeding her baby. This is the first time I have seen a woman do that in public in China. It is goof to know that it is still being done. I was told by some of the female students that a lot of mothers’ breast-feed their babies. When they go back to work they supplement it with the bottle. The babies are usually weaned off the mothers’ milk by the time they are a year old.
This evening we walked out of the campus with Lucy. In front of the gate a Chinese man in his mid-30’s started following Hugh. He then started talking to us in Chinese. Luckily Lucy was with us. She helped with the translation. This individual, Mr. X, wanted Hugh to pass some notes to any journalist in the States. He had written down some grievances or rather human rights abuses that he was witness to. It was highly sensitive issues that Mr. X wanted us to forward to the press. Hugh told Mr. X this, "right now I cannot do it. It would jeopardize my relationship with the school. Come and see me when my contract is up." I do not think Mr. X knew the consequences of his request.
This incident was strange. That morning Mr. Zhao had sat in on Hugh’s class and was taking notes. Before then, Dan, a member of the Communist party had come by on a Saturday night to discuss political issues. Could all these been a coincidence or are they related to one another? Maybe the authorities are checking us out or could it be a set up? Are they keeping an eye and ear on Hugh because of the things he has said in class? If they do not like Hugh’s teaching methods, maybe they will terminate is contract. That is quite fine by me. I am all for it.
11-11-98
@9:45a.m.
I woke up a bad stomachache. It feels like my insides are being twisted. It comes and goes and is painful. I also have diarrhea to boot. It is not a pleasant feeling. I have just taken a couple of pepto-bismol hoping that will relieve the gas.
I had a dream that we were back in Penang. We were on the Sri Negara bus and Fatimah was the conductress.
Yesterday Hugh made a decision to cancel both the discussion groups in Grade 2. The attendance of both these classes has been declining every week. That same evening Mr. Lui called Hugh up. Some students had informed him about the cancellation of the classes. Hugh explained to him the reasons. These classes are not compulsory and Hugh is doing it on his own time and the number of students has declined steadily every week. Mr. Lui told Hugh that the decision to discontinue is up to him.
11-12-98
@9:30a.m.
We were kept awake by some strange sound most of the night. It sounded like scraping against wood. Everytime we turned on the light the sound would go away. As soon as the lights were off the sound came back. For a long time we could not locate the source of the noise.
We figured that it must be a mouse or rat trying to chew through the wooden door. After getting up numerous times Hugh set some bait out for it. It must have been early in the morning when I heard Hugh get up again. This time he opened up the doors to a cabinet where he keeps all his paper work. The mouse jumped out at Hugh and startled him. The mouse took off at warp speed. That was funny because Hugh literally jumped away from the tiny mouse. We looked into the cabinet. There was mouse crap and pee on the bottom and second shelves of the cabinet. I wonder if the rats are living with us or vice versa. This morning I had to clean out the shelves of the cabinet. Fine job doing it.
Julia came by around 10:15a.m. Hugh had a talk with her regarding her behavior in class. She had not been participating in the activities that Hugh had set out for the other students. She would not recite when the whole class would. Hugh told her to be more actively involved and not to read her French book while he was conducting lessons. He was tough with her. The talk upset Julia and she left after that.
She came back after lunch and requested to talk to Hugh in the other room. When Hugh came back, he told me Julia was crying and had written a long letter to him. I am not aware of the contents of the letter.
The time is 5:35p.m. We just came back to our rooms. We had walked out to buy a plastic bucket and some "Chow bin".
Hugh had come back early from his Grade 4, English Literature class. This is a core class. Today only 1/3 of the class showed up. There are 85 students in that class. The students are not too concerned about whether they pass or fail in this class. We talked a little bit about the attitude of the students in Grade 4. We know that a lot of them are busy sending out applications for jobs and also having interviews. All of them will also have to write a 10,000 words paper before they can graduate with their teaching credential. Some of them are also busy with their post-graduate exams. So coming to their English Literature class is not high on their list of priorities.
In my conversation with Lucy regarding high school schedules she had this to tell me, school usually begins at 6:00a.m. and does not end until 8:00p.m. That is a 12 hour day for the students with breaks from 7:00 to 8:00a.m., 12:00-1:00p.m., and 5:00-6:00p.m.
11-13-98
@3:25p.m.
This morning Mr. Xu came knocking at our door. He had with him 2 boxes. I thought both boxes were from her. I looked at the addresses and one of the boxes said Chowchilla on it. So I presumed it was from Tom. On looking at it more carefully I was surprised to learn that it was from Uncle Dick and family. The contents of both boxes were mostly food items that made Mahala and I glad. When Hugh came back I told him Uncle Dick had sent us a care package. I could sense that he was pleased and touched by their gesture. Both Lori and Aunt Norma had included hand-written notes in their box. I enjoyed reading Lori’s letter. She has a way with words. Her letter had humor in it. It was really nice of their family to send the box. We will have to reply to them.
Hugh talked to Mr. Lui about the Grade 2 and Grade 4 students. Hugh is unhappy with the turn out in class of both Grade 4 students. Hugh is concerned that if the students keep skipping classes then they will surely fail in their final exams. Hugh has also decided to give the Grade 2 classes one more chance. He will combine both Grade 2 classes into one for the discussion group.
Julia is in trouble again. Hugh caught her doing her other schoolwork while the rest of the class was reading. Hugh made her look for the passage and read it out loud to the class. Things do not seem to be working out too well between Hugh and Julia.
Mahala is outside with Wendy and Lucy. Lucy is sitting for her portrait. She kindly consented to sit for Wendy and Mahala. It is a nice day so Wendy decided to hold her art class outside.
The students in school are cleaning up a storm. They are doing "gotong royong". I heard through the grapevine that the Education Department is sending some officials to inspect the cleanliness of the campus. The officials are from Zhengzhou. The students need to work hard because the school campus really needs a good cleaning. No one really knows when the inspection is going to be held. It might be today, tomorrow or the following week? But everyone is cleaning. The school should get the students together and clean up the school more often and not only during inspection days.
The electrical outlet has been acting up the last few days. Every time I plug in the electric kettle I see sparks. When I tell Hugh that we should inform the Hotel management or the Foreign Affairs Office he snaps at me.
Tonight we have no hot water. I leave the water running hoping that it might come. It never fails. We have a good start to the day but at the end of it, it turns shitty. Hugh tells me not to box myself in. What does he mean? To pretend that the situation is normal. I will just have to go to bed dirty. I hate this place.
11-14-98
Hugh and I cleaned house today. We see evidence of the rats and mice everywhere. It is on the floor, on the shelves and around the tables. We wiped all the furniture and floor and our eating utensils with bleach. I guess we are in the same mood as the students. The whole school is caught up in cleaning. Even the hotel employees are doing the same. They are sweeping the hallways and cleaning out the accumulated spider webs and cow-webs under the eaves. There is still trash under the hotel stairwell. Maybe the employees sweep all the trash under there. It is contagious this cleaning mode.
11-15-98
Sunday
Thanksgiving is just round the corner. We will miss the good food again.
Hugh bought some tools for himself this morning from the market. They only cost like 2yuan a piece. He bought a hammer and a pliers. The quality was not that good but it should last us till we leave.
Yesterday we collated the mid-term papers for the Grade 3 students. It took us about 3 hours to finish. The quality of the papers was poor.
Being Sunday we do not have a lot to do besides buying food. Hugh worked on his computer most of the day.
Then around 7:00p.m. the little girls who usually turn up on Sunday came. One of the girl’s father came over to get her. He stood shouting outside the hallway. She had to leave because she did not finish her homework.
11-16-98
@11:00a.m.
I picked up Hugh’s salary this morning. We also received two letters, one from Mom and the other from Vicky.
I was so tired this morning I slept through most of our usual wake up music.
Julia passed Hugh another letter. Hugh is reading it right now.
I walked out with Mahala and bought myself some airmail envelopes from the post office. Also sent off a letter to Grandma.
I cooked an unappetizing dinner. Tasted yuckky.
11-17-98
@9:00a.m.
Hugh had to leave for work early this morning. Today the Grade 3 students have their mid-term exams. He will be bust the next few days grading the papers.
My hands feel cold. I have been washing my clothes in the cold water in the bathtub. It is hard on the back because I have to lean all the way into the tub to scrub the clothes. Another thing I need to do is to write to Uncle Dick and his family thanking them for the care package.
It is now 9:40p.m. There is no hot water tonight.
Hugh and I have spent the morning and afternoon correcting the test papers. He has canceled classes for tomorrow so that he can work on them. He went to the Grade 2-discussion group but was disappointed again. The students were there but most of them will be going out to watch the movie "Mu Lan". It is dubbed in Chinese. The rest will be going to a meeting of the English Club.
11-18-98
@9:40a.m.
Hugh is staying home today to mark the test papers. He went out to buy matches this morning and locked himself out. I was still in bed and had to get up to let him in. We have had no electricity for the last one-hour. Hugh is grading papers by candlelight. It is also a cold morning. We cannot use the space heaters because of the outage.
Yesterday evening after Hugh walked out on the Grade 2 students, 2 girls from that Grade came by. They want Hugh to continue with the discussion group. Hugh is really leaning towards canceling that class.
I have said it many times before. It just takes a few weeks before the class loses interest and attendance declines. It has happened already.
Linda just came in and told us the whole school will not have any power until 6:00p.m. When that sort of thing occurs we also lose our water supply. The hotel uses an electrical pump to supply water to all its rooms. We have had more power outages here than we have ever had in the 11 years we have been married.
It is close to 6:00p.m. There is still no electricity. We have been burning candles for the whole day now. Hugh has finished correcting his papers. He will type the grades into his computer tomorrow.
Elton and Monica turned up. I suspect they wanted to know their mark. Hugh told them that they have wait until tomorrow to find out their scores. I wonder if Elton and Monica are an item. They look good together. Elton told us that the Grade 3 basketball team is playing a match against the Grade 2 students. They lost to Grade 4 yesterday by 46-12. Elton’s team won today’s game though. Monica just informed me of that.
Hugh has to go out this evening. He is teaching conversation English to the Grade 1 class. Mahala wants to go too. I do not like it, but I suppose if she really wants to go, then I have to allow it. I warned her not to let the students breathe on her.
It has been 10 hours since we lost power. It is now 6:15p.m. Water pressure is still nil. What a situation to be in. Does anything here work at all? We are at the whim and mercy of an unknown bureaucrat who sits behind his/her desk and issues commands that affect the masses who has practically no say at all in the decision making.
Hugh has told me that Julia will not be using the other room anymore. I guess that was the contents of her letter to Hugh.
There is a new shop that has just opened. It sells bread, cakes and local pastries. This is the first shop that sells loaves of bread. We bought ourselves a loaf yesterday.
The electrical supply came back on at 7:20p.m. We do not have any hot water tonight. All of us have had no decent shower or bath for 2 nights now.
Hugh had to conduct his class by candlelight for part of the period.
I am feeling so angry now. Of course when I feel this way Hugh tells me I am boxing myself in. What am I supposed to do then. Smile and pretend that everything is all right. He deals with his frustrations in his own way. Let me deal with mine my way. I want to see him act cheerful after 2 days without a decent shower or bath. This place sucks. It is the worst place I have ever lived in.
11-19-98
@11:00p.m.
I feel dirty. All of us have not had a decent hot shower or bath in 2 days now. I wonder what today will bring. I washed up 2 loads of laundry in the bathtub. The water is very cold.
I have a sinus headache and I sense that today is not going to be a good day.
My hair is dirty, I feel dirty, I probably am starting to smell, my skin feels dry and the skin on the soles of my feet is beginning to crack because of the cold. My ankle hurts because I have been walking on the cold tiles without any shoes or socks on. This place is just miserable to be in. I feel so depressed.
Water is seeping out from under the refrigerator. It is defrosting. I did not turn it off. Looks like it needs some repair done on it.
When Hugh came back from class I told him to look at the refrigerator. He fixed the problem.
11-20-98
@11:25a.m.
Yesterday night we only had luke warm water. We had to boil up 2 kettles of water and added that in to the water in the tub to make it hot. All three of us managed to get cleaned up. Whatever works I guess.
I also found out yesterday that Wendy and Dan has been going steady since their freshmen year. Lucy let that cat out of the bag.
It is 8:50p.m. There is no water at all. The hotel staff must have turned off the main line. I only hope that there is hot water tonight. I need to really get cleaned up.
Lucy bought us 2 carps from a fisherman she met while on a hiking trip up the mountains close to the school. Elton and Monica also came by. They told us that Roy was going to buy us 2 roasted chickens for dinner tonight. I fried up the fish and chopped up the chickens. I cooked up 2 pots of rice and Elton, Roy, Monica and Lucy stayed to dinner. It was good and everyone had a good time. Then Hugh decided to pop up some popcorn with the microwave oven. Elton helped him set it up. We did okay with the first bag. We could not do another bag because we blew up the primitive circuit breaker. Hugh had to move the oven to the bedroom hoping to find a three-prong outlet for the oven. All the rooms had two prong outlets. Finally Roy and Hugh walked out to the shops to buy a circuit breaker so we could do up the 2nd packet of popcorn.
It is now 9:35p.m. It looks like there is not going to be any hot water tonight.
Blanket Copyright, Hugh M. Lewis, © 2005. Use of this text governed by fair use policy--permission to make copies of this text is granted for purposes of research and non-profit instruction only.
Last Updated: 03/08/05